


The Jetset Life Is Gonna Kill You

by Unquenchible



Series: Better Off Dead [2]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Bullets Era (My Chemical Romance), Drug Abuse, F/F, F/M, Jealousy, Love Triangles, My Chemical Romance References, Romance, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:48:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 18
Words: 25,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27018334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unquenchible/pseuds/Unquenchible
Summary: Leslie thinks she's falling for Mikey, and on the surface it appears that he feels the same.Why, then, does he get angry so quickly when they're both alone?And what happens when Mikey's arch enemy Frank becomes her new best friend?A love story of mental health issues, addiction, and jealousy.TW: Cutting.
Relationships: Leslie/Frank Iero, Leslie/Mikey Way, Leslie/Miranda, Miranda/Gerard Way, Miranda/Mikey Way, OFC/Frank Iero, OFC/Gerard Way, OFC/Mikey Way, Original Female Character/Frank Iero, Original Female Character/Mikey Way
Series: Better Off Dead [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750165
Kudos: 5
Collections: Better Off Alive





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Better Off Dead](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24246979) by [Unquenchible](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unquenchible/pseuds/Unquenchible). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a sequel to Better Off Dead, and you don't have to read it to understand this. It is a different story, different perspective, but has the same characters and follows a similar timeline. I've had more fun writing this story than I have concluding the original. I'm also constantly trying to aim for consistency, but if there is a lapse, let me know! Thank you all for reading these. They mean a lot to me :)

Mikey wore a sheepish grin as he placed his arm around the center of my back. Nerves jittered around my stomach as he escorted me through a crowd of people congregating in his living room. But within moments, that pitted fear had depleted. Instead, I found myself giggling at the way he paraded me around the party - as if I was his trophy. 

Mikey wanted to appear confident, but he was easy to get a read on. I noted his quivering palms, and the way he stuttered over his words through every new introduction. 

I couldn’t help but find him endearing. Although our romance had only just started to bud, I appreciated his company. He was eager to show me off; proud to hold my body close to his as we walked through the room. His friends fashioned the same expressive twinkle in their eyes - eager to see Mikey outside of his bedroom, without a book in his hand. 

It was the perfect reminder to grab Mikey by his collar and brush my lips against his bony cheeks. For a brief second, it felt like we were the only two people in a room of maybe fifteen. But in only another moment, a voice broke our concentration. 

“Well, well, well” Frank interrupted, “Who’s she?”

I could feel the shiver of anxiety return to Mikey’s arm, and as I tilted my head - I found myself face to face with large, forest colored eyes.

“I’m Leslie”, I muttered, leaning in closer to calm Mikey’s nerves, “Mikey’s hot little date”

“Hot date, you say?” He laughed, winking away the twinkle in his eye, “And he took you to this dump?”

“It’s not a dump, Frank”, Mikey cut in, “It’s my house - and you’re lucky I even let you through the front door-” 

And suddenly, Mikey’s façade of confidence was crumbling into intimidation. It became clear to me that the two of them struggled to get along.

Frank ran his fingers through the side of his hair and returned his glare back to me, “There you have it, Leslie. Mikey loves having me over here. And since he was too rude to introduce me, I’m Frank.”

“Well, it’s been a pleasure”, Mikey sarcastically barged in, “But we’re gonna go on our way”

Frank shook his head and let out a small laugh, “Pleasure’s been all mine”

It was a strange interaction that left me feeling quite uneasy, but Mikey intertwined his arm with mine and whisked me away in the opposite direction. For the next few minutes, his demeanor began to slip into a state of total defense. As much as I wanted to pick apart the thoughts in his head, I managed to keep my mouth shut.

Despite the awkwardness in the air, Mikey’s brother, Gerard, came running toward us in full force - stopping us in our tracks before we could think to turn around. Gerard was wearing a similar shade of anxiety and stunk of strong liquor, which I could only imagine was seeping out of his pores.

“Mikey-Mike”, He sang, his words almost breathless as he elbowed Mikey, “You think I should bring her on Tuesday?”

“Ugh”, Mikey groaned, jokingly swatting away Gerard’s arm, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t you?”

“Oooh”, I exclaimed, “Gerard’s got a lady friend?”

Gerard licked his lips, trying his hardest to hide the smile creeping up the sides of his mouth, “She’s a lady - and she’s my friend. That’s all. We’ll… We’ll see… But I like her a lot”

Mikey almost spit out his drink, “Then just fucking tell her, man. What’s there to lose?”

“I dunno”, Gerard shrugged, “A great friendship? I’m trying here”

“Just take it at your own pace”, I encouraged him, “What’s her name?”

He pressed his lips tight together, before blurting out “Miranda”

Mikey’s eyes seemed to glaze over for a brief second, pausing as if he was frozen in thought.

“How’d you meet her?’ I asked.

“He met her on a walk”, Mikey interjected, “She ran into him, or some romantic bullshit. He managed to snag her number, too - and he hasn’t shut up about her since”

“You got her number!” I exclaimed, smiling widely toward Gerard, “Impressive! Good for you, putting yourself out there like that”

“Thank you!” Gerard chewed on his knuckle, “I guess you’ll be seeing her on Tuesday. But, if she rejects me - I’m blaming it on both of you idiots”

Mikey’s eyes grew wide as he faced his head toward mine, jokingly exclaiming, “I can’t believe he called you that, Les”

I rolled my eyes, “He was obviously calling you the idiot”

“To set the record straight”, Gerard blurted in, “You’re both idiots”

“Okay”, I bit my lip - almost as a signal to Mikey that my eyes were fixating toward his lips, “I guess we’re both idiots”

Mikey’s face got closer to mine, and I could see Gerard backing away in my peripheral. Finally, Mikey took the hint and broke the silence with a single peck. As he began to pull away, I gripped at the back of his head and pulled him back - forcing a few more kisses against his lips. By now, the smile had returned to both of our faces.

Throughout the course of the night, we managed to get closer and closer to his bedroom door - until finally, we were laying on his bed without any clothes on. Mikey broke through our kisses to shoot me a look of pleading eyes, “Why don’t you spend the night, cutie?”

“You sure?” I muttered back, too engrossed with the way his hands moved up and down my hips - teasing me as they began to slide down.

He nodded his head, still wearing a happy smile, “I’m sure”

\--

After a late night of barely sleeping, our bodies clung to each other under the covers. His first movement woke me up, but I stayed quiet - as I didn’t want it to end. Of course, Mikey was the one to wake me up.

“Good morning”, He stretched his arms above his head, “How’d you sleep?”

I pushed my body close against his - my head propped against his chest, my legs intertwined between his, and my arm reaching fully around his stomach, “Can we go back to sleep? I’m tired”

He sat up, breaking the chance of returning to my slumber, “I actually have a few things to do, so I’m kicking you out this early. But don’t forget to come back tonight - we’re having another one of those-”

I rolled on to my back, “Oh yeah! I can’t tonight, but I’ll promise to be there Thursday. You think we will get to meet Gerard’s new obsession? What do you think she’ll be like?”

He shrugged, “It’s weird, because Gerard usually doesn't get crushes like this. But I have no idea, I don’t even know what she might look like”

“So you’re the womanizer then, huh?” I chuckled, “Funny, because I would have guessed it would be the other way around…”

Mikey looked back at me with lowered eyebrows, “What is that supposed to mean?”

He wasn’t picking up on my stupid humor.

I sat upward, “You know - Gerard and all of his charm”

“Has he tried his charm on you?” Mikey probed.

I quickly shook my head, “That’s not the point, but I -”

“Then where are you going with this?” Mikey snapped.

I shrugged my shoulders, slightly defeated. Last night I was his trophy, a sexual pleasure - and this morning, I was his hypothetical punching bag. I jumped out of bed and began to pull my arms through my sweatshirt. If he didn’t want me here, I wasn’t planning on staying.

“It was just a joke, Michael”, I muttered as I reached down for my purse. My keys danced around it’s metal zippers, letting off a pleasant medley of clunking metal.

Mikey rolled his eyes and leaned in closer for me, “You’re not leaving without a kiss, are you?”

There he was - the same man from last night. With a small peck on the lips, I winked at him and exclaimed, “I’ll see ya on Thursday”

“Thursday?” He exclaimed, “But that’s so far away”

“And I have to work”, I started, “So you better spill all the details of Gerard’s new girl”

He winked at me, “Don’t you worry”


	2. Miranda?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Familiar? 
> 
> Maybe that's because this is already happened. But it's too late, you're no longer routing for either of them.

As I pulled up to his driveway, the mass of cars told me that I was once again fashionably late. Mikey answered the door with a smile on his face, but I could tell it was masking a serious level of anxiety. He quickly closed the door behind him and stepped out on to the porch with me, “You’re not going to believe this”

I felt slightly nervous, “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing serious”, He slurred, “But I met Miranda”

Beyond the stink of alcohol in his breath, his voice leaped with excitement. Intrigued by his words, I crossed my arms and continued to probe him, “Oh yeah? What’s she like?”

Struggling to catch his breath through his nerves, he bent over and laid his hands against his knees, “My head’s in circles, Les! I know her!”

_Circles?_

“Oh”, I muttered, “Is that a good thing?”

He stood up straight and began to pace the small section of his porch. Beyond his poor balance, something about him felt off. My chest went tight - _why wasn’t he answering me?_

“Well?” I asked again, “You’re not giving me anything”

Mikey froze in place and shook his head, “Jesus fucking christ, Les. I feel like I can’t breathe in there, in here, and you’re out here…”

I pressed my lips together in disappointment - I could tell he was wasted already. Mikey had a tendency to turn into an asshole when he was under the influence, but I preferred him after a few pills. Alcohol seemed to get him more angry than the benzos.

I put my hand on my hip, “What’s the deal with Miranda, anyway?”

“Fucking…” His voice trailed off and his mind wandered - presumably trying to find the right words to say, “Grew up with her. She was my best friend…”

“That’s strange”, I muttered, “Things end bad?”

He shook his head, “No, no”

“That’s a good thing, right?” I asked.

_Something didn’t feel right._

“We have history”, He muttered, “And, uh, Gerard’s all touchy feely, uncomfortably happy with her. You know, because I told him to, and-”

“Okay, so what does it matter?” I cut him off, irritated and moderately offended at his strange nostalgic chanter, “You brought me here”

“Yes”, He fidgeted with his pockets, “Yeah. And you’re very beautiful”

“But…” I muttered, terrified of what would come next.

“There’s no buts about it”, He took a deep breath, “I just needed to vent. Thank you for listening. Do you want to go in?”

\--

Mikey intertwined his fingers with mine and led me to an empty spot on the couch. Beyond his tense posture, something still didn’t feel right. I was anxious to get a visual on Miranda - was she some sort of competition? 

Frank greeted us with a smile as we entered, and I let my eyes ponder the room to try and get a good look at her. She was too far out of sight, but I could overhear a female speaking with Gerard from the kitchen. Her voice sounded sweet and delicate, and for a brief second I felt self-conscious of the way my own raspy voice sounded as I listened to it in the back of my head.

When she finally entered the room, I could see why Mikey felt so inadequate over the sight of Miranda. She had a youthful glow that seemed to radiate as she walked in the room, gleaming confidently through her smile and long, silky hair. 

My heart both relaxed and thumped for her and Gerard as I watched them snuggle close together on the couch. Mikey’s body stayed stiff - almost purposely fixating his vision in the other direction. _Was I an embarrassment to him tonight?_

_Just the other day, I was his trophy..._

The room was hot, and I could feel my fingers begin to swell with stress. Between sips of alcohol, I subconsciously fidgeted with my rings - switching the tighter ones to my pinky to alleviate the discomfort. 

A voice from my right exclaimed, “You wear a lot of rings”. Without looking up, I already knew the face the distinct voice belonged to. I could feel my cheeks flushing red as the realization hit me - my discomfort was physically visible to everyone around me. 

I let out a fake laugh, hesitant to lift my head and make eye contact with anyone in the room. Alcohol wasn’t enough to calm the feeling of envy growing in the pit of my stomach. But my hesitation was quickly severed, as Gerard let out a laugh that caused me to look ahead.

He was smiling like a mad-man, holding her tight against his chest. Suddenly, my envy was redirected to the way his eyes sparkled as he looked back at her. I wanted something so beautiful; something so sincere. Trying not to be obvious, I struggled to look away. They were both so happy and joyous to be in each other’s company.

The only part that I couldn’t swallow down was the way Mikey’s eyes glossed over with the same look of jealousy.

* * *

“You drinkin?” Frank slurred, raising his drink toward me. I winked at him and held mine in the air.

We almost cheered - but instead, he drunkenly pulled away and took a sip on his own accord. 

“And”, He exclaimed to the group, “Whata-ya got for games?”

Mikey seemed disinterested, “Games?”

“Ohh, YEAH!” Frank exclaimed, clunking his drink against the table in front of him, “Games! WHat kind of party is this?”

I snickered to myself. He was trashed, but I was loving his sense of humor.

Mikey rolled his eyes, “An adult party?”

Frank leaned back on the couch, “How about some good ol’ truth or dare?”

Ray tried to choke down his laughter, “Hell yea! Let’s play truth or dare”

Mikey was uncomfortable, too. In fact - I think the only two people who looked genuinely comfortable were snuggled up against the otherside of the room. 

“Okay”, Mikey started, shooting a look of anger at Frank, “Alright. Truth or dare! Who goes first?”

Frank drunkenly spun around, purposely leaning over with his finger pointed in my direction, “Uh… You! Truth or dare?”

Oh god, what’s he have in store for me? I licked my lips, “Dare”

His eyes rolled around in his head, full of pride as he exclaimed, “Now, now. You sure you wanna do that?”

I crossed my legs and leaned forward. He couldn’t scare me. “Try me”

“Okay”, Frank sheepishly grinned, “But you can’t say that I didn’t warn you”

I continued looking up at him - waiting patiently for the next words to roll out of that stupid mouth.

His finger was now pointed toward Miranda, “Kiss her”

I burst out in laughter. _Of course his mind went straight to the gutter - and maybe, just maybe, this would help Mikey’s as well._

“Okay”, I cleared my throat, “I’ll do it”

Miranda’s cheeks were bright red with embarrassment, but she continued to lean forward and exclaim, “I’ll do it”

Within seconds, she met me half-way. What had I meant to her, anyway? What kind of satisfaction would she gain from simply brushing lips with mine - especially with her arms wrapped around Gerard’s throat. 

Was she like me - or did her lips carry some sort of secret depth that I’d never be able to supply?

Her breath wreaked of liquor, but her saliva was sweet. It would be stupid of me to walk away after a single peck, so instead, I pulled her in closer and let her take a taste of mine. Sneaky, really, as I tried to breathe in whatever hex she had placed over the Ways. 

But instead of breathing it in, I became intoxicated with it - pleading for more each time our lips separated. In a sequence of only a few seconds, I managed to pull away and phase back in reality. Everyone’s eyes were fixated on us - of course, everyone’s but Mikey’s.

Before I could step away and search for him, Frankie took his spot on the couch.

“I didn’t think…” He started, his jaw slightly dropped in awe, “Wow, Leslie. You sure do know how to put on a show”

I rolled my eyes, “And you sure do know how to act like a pig at the most inappropriate times”

I could hear his breathing tremble, “I-I- I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant”

I leaned back on the couch, and quickly noticed another body missing; Miranda’s.

“Just leave me alone, Frank”, I muttered as I crossed my arms.

“Look, I really am sorry”, He sighed, “I’m saying shit I don’t mean to, I’m a little too drunk right now”

I shrugged, “I appreciate the apology”

“I see the way he looks at her, you know” Frankie whispered, “It’s not right for him to do that in front of you”

I bit at my lip, anger boiling in my blood, “You see that too?”

“Mikey’s a little douche”, He continued to whisper, “He really doesn't deserve any one of you girls. Yet somehow, he always manages the most beautiful”

“Shut up”, I tossed a pillow toward him, “You don’t mean that”

He shrugged, “Believe what you want. You’re competing with the love of his life. Or so he says”

I could feel all emotion drain from my face, “He says that?”

Frank nodded his head, “Oh yeah. He said it to me a few minutes ago. Drunk fucking idiot”

I shook my head.

“They’re both in the kitchen”, He continued to whisper, “If ya… wanna go spy on them. I can show you my spot”

I pressed my lips together and squinted my eyes, “Why would I even want to?”

Frank stood up and reached for my hand, “Follow me”

* * *

Frank put his finger against his lips, quietly shushing me as he pulled me to the left side of the door. Close enough to make out their conversation, and just barely see fragments of their bodies.

“You were my first kiss”, Mikey exclaimed.

I looked back at Frank, who’s eyes were just as wide as mine.

“And you were mine” Miranda remarked, “So what are you getting at?”

I could hear the sound of footsteps, but I couldn’t see much more. It sounded like he was falling - knocking things over with each step he took, “You know what I’m saying!”

“I-I’m lost”, Miranda muttered.

I could hear Mikey pacing around as he exclaimed, “I told you! I shouldn’t have said anything!”

“You’re not making a lot of sense right now”, Miranda started, “Can you try to explain to me what you mean by it?”

Mikey continued his drunken antics, “I - holy fuck. I wish I hadn’t said anything”

Silence preceded them - but Frank was desperate to find a better view. As he pulled me to the center (still out of their vision), I could see their lips breaking apart from a kiss. 

Frank put his hands over his lips in shock, but I couldn’t move my eyes away.

After a second of quiet, Mikey went in for the attack - pinning her against the side of the sink with kisses, as she gripped the counter-tops to stay afloat. 

I didn’t need to see more - but I couldn’t look away.

As she finally pulled away, Frank grabbed me by the neck of my sweatshirt and pulled me out towards the back door.

“We can’t be seen”, He started, leading me into the backyard, “We can’t be seen SPYING on them, Leslie. What would Mikey think?”

I shook my head, “What would Mikey think? Whatever it is - it certainly isn’t about me. He clearly only has eyes for that slut-”

“Slow down”, Frank consoled me, “Fuck. This is so shitty. What are we gonna do?”

I shook my head, “I don’t know, I’m not gonna do anything. I’m… I’m just done with him”

“Do we tell Gerard?” Frank muttered, “It’s his right to know…”

I could picture the look in his eyes if he found out that the happiness he was feeling was mostly artificial. 

“No”, I exclaimed, “If we tell Gerard, then he’ll tell Mikey we were spying on him. Let’s just not say anything. But… at least I’m not alone in knowing what shitty fucking people they both are”

Frank took a deep breath, “I’m - man, that’s really setting in now. You liked Mikey, and you just saw him kissing some girl he calls the love of his life. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t hide that from you, actually…”

“I’m glad you did”, I sighed, “I think I’m gonna get out of here, though”

He stood there, barely balancing his legs against the ground - and I impulsively blurted out, “You don’t look like you can drive home right now. You want a ride?”

He eagerly nodded his head.

“Alright”, I laughed, “Let’s walk around - I don’t have the energy to go back in there now”

Frankie put his hand over my chest and pulled me back, with the intention of disguising me from Miranda - who was now walking down the road by herself.

“You think we should see if she’s okay?” I whispered to Frank.

He shrugged, “Do you really care if she’s okay? Looks like things with Mikey didn’t pan out the way they thought it would”

I let out a chuckle, slightly too audible, “Oh, what a shame”

Frankie leaned over my car with a smile on his face, “You ready to go?”

I shrugged and unlocked the front seat. For a brief second, I could have sworn Miranda looked back at me - but when I tried to mimic her actions, she was already gone.

“Where are you going, Frank?” I asked.

“I live down the street”, He muttered.

I sighed, “You’re going to have to be more specific than that”

He laughed and shook his head, “Listen - you doing alright? I mean actually?”

I took a deep breath, “I’m not actually sure what I feel right now”

“Well if you ever wanna talk about any of it”, He started…

I shrugged, “You smoke?”

“Smoke?” He asked, surprised.

“Like - uh, not cigarettes. Do you do any drugs?” I asked.

He shrugged, “Not really”

“That’s fair. Maybe I need to keep you around. I think I do them too much” I admitted.

“So why don’t you take me there?” Frank smiled, “I can keep you up talking, if that’s what you want”

I sighed and looked back at Mikey’s house. Did he even realize I left, while he was so caught up between her lips?

“You know what”, I started, “Yeah, that would be nice”

My stomach was sour, and I was fighting back tears that wouldn’t quit welling in the corner of my eyes - but I wouldn’t let anyone see them. At least, not tonight.


	3. You won't stop the bleeding, baby

“Frank, Frank”, I choked out through a fit of laughter, “He left me a fucking voicemail”

“No shit”, Frank looked up at me with blood-shot eyes as he blew out a puff of smoke, “Well, go on then. Let’s hear it”

I bit my lip. Although I still had an empty pit sitting at the bottom of my stomach, Frank’s dark humor was doing it’s part in cheering me up. 

“Alright”, I muttered, “Think I’ve ignored enough of his calls tonight. Here we go”

I gripped my phone in the palm of my hand and hit the play button:

_“Hey Les, where’d you go? Ray said you got up from the couch and never came back… I hope everything’s okay. I’m really worried about you. The night isn’t the same without you… In fact, my bed doesn’t feel the same without you next to me. Just know that you’re on my mind, and, well… Call me when you can”_

By the time my voicemail ended, we were both struggling to recover from mind-numbing belly laughter. Frank seemed to get it - and maybe it was amplified by a cocktail of weed and alcohol, but I could only deduce it down to good company. 

“You think -”, I wiped the tears of laughter from underneath my eyes, “You think I should call him back?”

“Fuck yeah”, He eagerly nodded his head, “Tell him you know - that slimy fucker”

I wet my lips with my tongue, pausing through what felt like forever to consider the consequences. But before I realized it, my body subconsciously hopped out of my chair and sat down close to Frank on the couch. With my hand extended out into the air, my lips talked through words I could barely process as they fell off my tongue, “I’m gonna do it”

With barely a single ring, Mikey answered the phone with a desperate “Hey you!”

“Hey”, I slurred, my fingers making their way over to Frank’s and squeezing them tight with excitement, “I saw your… your fucking…”

Frank pulled his shirt over his mouth to conceal the laughter, and I struggled to talk through the rest, “You and Miranda… In those shitty chairs… In that shitty kitchen… Does Gerard know she’s such a slut?”

“What”, Mikey stuttered, “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Mikey”, I exclaimed, “I saw you fucking… Kiss”

Frank squeezed his fingers tight against mine, non-verbally supporting my poorly worded argument. 

“She kissed me”, He blurted out, “And if you stayed until the end - you would have seen, she left. I told her we shouldn’t…’

“Yeah”, I weakly muttered, “Sure. I know we’re not exactly exclusive, but you fuck…”

I took a deep breath and continued, the humor leaving my lungs as desperation took over, “I was really fucking falling for you, but I guess you…”

“You were?”, He cut me off, “Honestly Les, I feel incredibly out of your league. You are so gorgeous, I just question how you could even like me”

Frank’s fingers loosened their grip around my hand. The conversation was taking a turn to something more serious. 

“I have to go”, I lied, “Thanks”

He quickly cleared his throat, “Wait - Les, don’t go…”

“I have to”, I muttered, “Bye”

\--

“Fuck”, Frank muttered, “That was brutal”

I sat upward and crossed my arms, “You think I was too harsh on him?”

He shook his head, “Think he was too bullshit with you”

Frank’s dark humor wouldn’t be enough to save me from this pit of sadness I was feeling, now. 

“I’m gonna smoke some more”, I started, “Drink some more, that way I don’t remember the rest of tonight - and shit, how the fuck are we taking you home?”

Frank shrugged, “I can walk”

I rolled my eyes, “This couch comfy for you?”

He nodded his head.

“Okay”, I took a breath, “It’s all yours”

* * *

\---

“Oh good”, Frank sat up as I walked into the living room, “You’re awake”

“Wish I wasn’t”, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, “How long have you been up?”

“About a half hour”, He started, “Your couch was surprisingly comfortable”

I chuckled, “Good”

He stood up and stretched his arms in the air, “You hungry?”

“Not really”, I started, “Feel kinda hungover, actually”

“Oh”, He muttered, “Well, I was gonna suggest I take you to breakfast. There’s this really good place called Flower’s, and I figured I owed you back after you let me sleep here”

I tilted my head, “You want to go out to breakfast? This early?”

I looked back at where he was sitting -  _ he’d folded my blanket nicely and draped it over the top of the couch.  _

He shrugged, “It was just an idea. Totally up to you”

“Alright”, I started to smile, “Breakfast might make me feel better. Flower’s, you said? I think I’ve been there…”


	4. The Truth

**(Text Conversation):**

**Mikey:** _Can you talk?_

 **Me:** _OK_

 **Mikey:** _Can I come over?_

I set my phone down, sick at the thought of listening to his lies. A few days had passed since the last time we spoke, and it had given me enough time to decompress. 

A full bottle of ativan greeted me from behind the medicine cabinet. Today was one of those days that warranted remedy - without total intoxication. I wanted to be able to drive, but I didn’t want to be able to feel. 

I made eye contact with myself in the mirror as I dry swallowed three little pills. It was funny - seeing my pupil size change with the stress of vibrations humming from my cell phone. I darted over to it, already sure of who was calling before I looked down at the caller ID. 

With a deep breath, I put it on speaker and set the phone on the bathroom counter, “Hello”

“Hey”, Mikey chirped, “You home?”

I glided a hair brush down the side of my hair, rolling my eyes as I responded, “Yep”

“Alright, cool”, He muttered, “I’m on my way over to talk to you. I got you one of those matcha latte drinks you like. I want to talk with you in person. You mean a lot to me, and I think you deserve to know the truth”

I froze in my tracks, “The truth?”

“Yeah”, He continued, “It’s a long story, but I think it’s time for me to come clean”

“Okay…”, I hesitated, “When will you be over?”

I could hear cars passing his window in the background, “About five minutes”

* * *

I crossed my arms and leaned back on my sofa, “So, you promised me truth”

“Right”, He started, blowing out a puff of nervous air, “But before I do, I want you to know that I owe you a giant apology. I really didn’t mean to hurt you - I was so drunk, and well - I’ll just start with the story”

My eyes fixated on him, but I refused to speak another word without a valid explanation.

“Okay, so Miranda was my childhood best friend”, He started, “She was… Also my first kiss. Before I left we were pretty close that way… and um, I hadn’t heard from her since”

He took a breath and continued, “So we reconnected, and I honestly couldn’t help it. I felt like I was back in my childhood”

“And Leslie”, He continued, “Me and you - we haven’t had a title. At the time, I wasn’t even sure what you could see in me. And when you told me you were falling for me…”

He shook his head, “I - I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t want to give up what me and you have created. But I want you to know the full truth before anything else, okay?”

Horrified, I nodded my head, “Okay”

_I wanted to forgive him. I could only appreciate his honesty. I knew I wasn’t perfect, either._

“After everything happened, when me and you weren’t talking”, He started, “I went over there, and things went a little further than I thought they would. At the end, both of us decided that we just wanted to be friends - we aren’t young and in love like we once were. Time took that away from us”

“You promise?” I asked

He nodded his head, “I promise. I’m being completely vulnerable with you”

“Okay Mikey”, I sighed, “I appreciate your honesty”

He took another deep breath, “Things just haven’t been the same without you”

I couldn’t help my lips from growing into a smile, “Yeah - same here”

“Jesus chris, that fucking smile”, He eyed me, “I missed that. I missed you”

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I peered over to find a **text from Frank:** “ _You holding up?”_

\--

It wasn’t until after Mikey had left the next morning that I found the courage to respond to Frank.

 **Me:** _I’m alright. Thank you_

A few hours later, my phone vibrated again - to the message I had feared.

 **Frank:** _Heard you took him back_

A message I avoided - leaving him on read before I could find the words to justify my actions.

* * *

A light frost brushed the tips of the leaves, but most of the snow from last week’s storm had started to melt. The bulk of us stood close together by the bonfire, soaking in it’s warmth as we tried to avoid the backlash of smoke in our eyes. 

I could feel Frankie’s eyes glaring over at me with disapproval from the other side of the fire. Avoidance was the easiest way to shrug them off - after all, things weren’t as serious as they appeared. It felt unsettling, and I struggled to stay sober through my racing mind. 

Mikey wrapped his arm around my waist, and for a brief second my mind was at ease. But once again, Frank’s eyes met mine with distaste. 

_I know Frank, I know. Why was I wasting my time with someone so afraid of commitment? After all those terrible things that he did? After all of those cheeky laughs that we exchanged?_

But what did it matter? For now, I was happy - and so was Mikey.

Gerard stumbled out the back yard and stood to the side, breathing in a puff of his cigarette. He was quiet, and slightly more sober than I’d ever seen him. 

I sucked down the last few drops of my beer and whispered in Mikey’s ear, “I’m gonna get another. You want one?”

His hand slid down my side, “Yeah, I’ll meet you inside. Gotta ask Ray something real quick”

\--

As I walked through the door, I was surprised at the sight of Miranda sitting by herself on the couch. Her eyes fixated on me, and without skipping a beat, I walked closer to her, “Miranda! No one told me you were coming tonight”

Seeing her was a surprise, and it told me one thing - I could relax. She wasn’t here with Mikey this time.

“Gerard talked me into it”, She started, “Then left me to go smoke one of his cancer sticks outside”

I laughed to myself - _what a fucking pussy. If only she knew-_

The backdoor squealed, revealing a smiling Mikey who looked excited to wrap his arms around my waist. He caressed me for a brief second before tensing his muscles at the sight of Miranda.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, his voice full of disdain.

_Another settling reminder - he wasn’t happy to see her._

I chewed at my lip, delighted to announce, “She’s waiting on Gerard”

Without making eye contact, I could feel Mikey’s warm breath against the back of my neck. His head lingered for a second, before whispering, “Why don’t you grab us some drinks and meet me up in my bedroom?”

I giggled - _this was all I needed. The final bit of evidence to prove he wasn’t afraid to flirt with me in front of Miranda anymore. Maybe he’d been telling the truth all along, and all I had to do was forgive him for his vile actions._

_But that was fine. We all do vile things._

As I stepped toward the kitchen, I could hear Gerard’s voice exclaim, “Hey buddy!”

Within a few seconds, Mikey was close behind me - wrapping his arms around mine before leading me up the staircase. By the time we left the kitchen, Miranda and Gerard had disappeared into the backyard.


	5. Scout's Honor

_(The next morning)_

In the midst of a vivid dream, I woke up in a frenzy to the sound of Mikey’s phone vibrating on the night-table. He stretched out his arm to silence it, groggily muttering, “Probably a telemarketer”

I closed my eyes and snuggled back onto his naked chest. By now, I’d forgotten most details of my dream - but I knew it was pleasant enough to want to fall back into. 

As soon as my mind began to drift into unconsciousness, I was quickly awakened by the same vibrations. Mikey turned on his side and groaned, this time checking for the caller Id, “It’s Gerard. Doesn’t he know I’m trying to sleep?”

“It’s the second time he called”, I murmured, “Maybe you should answer it”

“Well”, Mikey cleared his throat, “Looks like he stopped calling. Maybe it wasn’t that -”

He froze, and I could feel his body begin to quiver as he read over a text message. Within seconds, I could hear the muffled rings of him returning the call.

“Is she alright?” Mikey exclaimed as he jumped out of bed to pace the hallway. Quickly enough, he had moved far enough away that I was unable to make out the words on the other side of the phone.

I was awake now - laying in bed, slightly nervous at the sound of his voice. After a few minutes, he returned with a look of distress in his eyes.

“What happened?” I asked, “Everything okay?”

He shook his head, “I-I need to go. Something really bad just happened”

I swallowed hard, “What is it?”

“It’s Miranda”, He started, pulling a sweater over the top of his head, “She’s in the hospital. Gerard said he found her overdosed and he’s not sure how well she’s doing”

Any emotion I once had drained from my face, “Are you serious? You want me to come with?”

“No”, He shook his head, “I don’t want to overwhelm anyone. I gotta go, but take your time here. Just - try to be gone by the time Gerard comes back. I really don’t think he’s doing well right now”

_God fucking damnit._

“Okay”, I started, standing up from the bed, “I’ll just go home now. Let me know if you need anything”

\--

 **Me to Frank:** _So, I guess Miranda tried to kill herself_

 **Frank:** _Oh, so now she finally texts me back…_

 **Frank:** _What happened?_

 **Me:** _Can I call you? I’m about to drive_

 **Frank:** _Sure_

“Hello!” Frank answered.

The dashboard beeped at me to put my seatbelt on, “Hey you. I know I owe you an apology”

“For ignoring me?” Frank laughed, “It’s fine, I get it. I’m sure your boy-toy isn’t too fond of us hanging out, anyway”

I chuckled, “I didn’t tell him, anyway”

“Look, it’s fine”, He assured me, “I heard how sad you got when you called him, I knew this was bound to happen. I’m not here to judge you”

I let out a sigh of relief, “Oh - thank god. Because, I’m really confused at what the fuck I’m doing anyway. It’s kinda nice to know I have a friend who will tell me how it is”

“Not gonna sugar coat anything, sweetheart” He giggled, “But I’m not gonna be too harsh on ya, either”

“Well” I started, my thoughts lost in my head as I turned the corner, “I don’t know, can I vent to you for a sec?”

“Yeah”, He exclaimed, “Go right ahead”

“Okay, so”, I licked my lips, “Things have been going great, I talked to him in person and he told me everything. I can’t really blame him for doing what he did, and anyway - not like me and him have a label. But he’s so quick to jump to her-”

I stopped myself for a second and continued, “We were having a great morning before he found out that Miranda was in the hospital, and suddenly he gets all cold to me. Like, I’m trying to be there for him, but he just keeps pushing me away. I know it’s terrible what’s happening to her, but it’s just like…”

“Shit”, Frank let out a puff of air, “So - she tried to kill herself? What happened?”

“Um”, I started, “He said she overdosed. I don’t know any details”

“And”, He started, “She’s okay, right?”

I nodded my head, even though he couldn’t see me, “Think so. What - they just stick with you narcan or whatever and you come back, right?”

“Something like that”, Frank chuckled, “Are you a doctor?”

I rolled my eyes, “Yep. Dr Leslie”

“That’s kinda cute”, He laughed, “I like it. Shit, though - Mikey and Gerard are probably losing their minds right now”

“Yeah”, I muttered, “I know”

An awkward silence fell through the phone, but I was quick to break it, “Anyway - I just made it home. I know Mikey’s gonna be busy all day, and I really could use a blunt. Though, I don’t really wanna smoke it alone. You wanna come over?”

“Right now?” He asked.

“You could give me a few”, I started, “I’m gonna clean up, but feel free to drop by whenever you wanna”

“Alright”, He chirped, “That sounds good to me”

I pulled the keys out of my car, “But - don’t mention anything to Mikey that you’re here. Don’t wanna stress him out more”

Frank laughed, “Scout’s honor”

* * *

(Later that night)

**Me to Mikey:** _ How are you holding up, baby? _

**Mikey:** _ Shitty. This whole thing really sucks _

**Me:** _ When can I see you again? I want to cheer you up _

**Mikey:** _ I’m not sure. Guess Miranda’s gonna be staying with us for a bit in the guest room, so we can keep an eye on her. Feels like I’m gonna be busy for the next few days at least.  _

“Looks like Miranda’s moving in the Way’s”, I laughed out loud.

“Joy”, Frank exclaimed, his eyes struggling to stay open from all the weed we smoked, “Poor Gerard, man”

I re-crossed my legs in the opposite direction, “You think he has any idea?”

Frank shrugged, “No, think he’d be broken up if he knew. He’s really into her”

“Yeah”, I sighed, “Kinda envious. Wish I didn’t know, maybe it wouldn’t make the idea of her staying there so revolting”

“Well he said it wasn’t gonna happen again”, Frank started, “You think he’s being serious?”

I nodded my head.

He leaned his head against the back of the sofa, “Then what’s there to be worried about?”

“You’re right”, I muttered, “No - you’re right”

**Me to Mikey:** _ You two are so good to her. She is lucky to have such great friends in her life. Just let me know when you’re free. I’ll be here if you need anything. _

“So what about you, Frank?” I asked.

He closed his eyes, “What about me?”

“You never talk about yourself”, I started, “How’s your girlfriend?”

He let out a loud laugh, “My - WHAT?”

“Sorry”, I continued, “Your boyfriend?”

He shook his head, “No. No. Nothing like that”

“You, uh”, I joked, “You dating an animal, then?”

“I’m not dating anyone”, He laughed, “No animal could handle this piece of shit”

“I know you’re joking”, I started, “But where the fuck do you get off calling yourself a piece of shit?”

“Relax”, He groaned, “I WAS joking. I know I’m no piece of shit”

**Mikey:** _ Thank you. I feel sick. Just glad she’s okay _

“I live alone”, He started, “Nothin’ really serious in my life right now. Did ya know Mikey pretty much hates me?”

I chuckled, “Yeah, I picked up on that”

“It’s fucking hysterical”, He started, “I really have nothing against him and I'm close with his brother. Think he's just intimated by me”


	6. Catch Me If U Can

Midway through the week, heavy snow poured outside my window and forced me to stay inside. To my despair, Mikey went mute. Our conversations seemed to flicker down until there was nothing left to talk about. I knew he was going through a lot, but his silence wreaked havoc on my wandering mind. 

**Frank:** _ What are you doin? _

Despite the poorly plowed roads, Frank had promised to keep me company - and as the days passed, he managed to honor that promise. After a few days, drinking booze and smoking through my stash of weed to keep warm felt like a tradition. 

_ Sure, it was three pm and I was already drunk - but who cares, really? It’s my weekend. _

**Me to Frank:** _ Running out of beer… _

Frank was good company - he actually listened to me talk and I appreciated his tendency to laugh instead of getting mad. 

**Frank:** _ Well, aren’t you in luck? I just picked some up.  _

And he was really, really - 

_ What was I saying again?  _

**Me to Frank:** _ Well then get your butt over here _

Right - he was really compassionate. A really kind person that listened to me talk. And, uh - I’ve had so much to drink that my inner dialogue is starting to fail me.

\--

“It’s been two weeks since he’s even responded to a text”, I shook my head, “Think we can both figure out what that means”

Frank placed his hand on my thigh and began rub his hand against it to console me, “Sucker doesn’t even know what he’s missing out on”

I almost stumbled over as I stood up - throwing the hand that held my beer up in the sky as I exclaimed, “No, he doesn’t!”

“Get back down here”, Frank tugged on my cardigan, “You’re gonna fall over. And I’m in no state to lift you up”

My heels clunked against the hardwood as I took a few steps back, slurring my words as I taunted him, “You want me to sit down? You’re gonna have come catch me first”

He smacked his beer against the coffee table and stood up, stretching his legs as he played along, “Oh no - you don’t want me to come catch you”

I flirtatiously bit my lip, taking a few steps back as I continued, “You’re never gonna catch me”

He took a step closer to me, his eyes piercing at me like daggers, “I’m fast. I’ll catch you, fast”

I took another sip of my drink, my eyes gleaming back at him with angst, “You look pretty slow to me”

I placed my empty cup down on the tv stand, slowly inching back further.  _ What a stupid, silly game we were playing. _

“You sure you wanna provoke me?” He snickered, “Because, Leslie, you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into”

I scrunched my nose at him and stuck out my tongue, teasing him like a child before taking a few steps back.

“Okay”, He sung, “But don’t say I didn’t warn ya”

My heels continued to clunk against the floor as I attempted to scurry down the hallway - but he was right, and he beat me to it - with warm, strong arms that grabbed me from behind my waist and held me slightly in the air, refusing to put me down as I tried to kick him away.

“I told you I was fast”, He whispered hot breaths against my ear, “I told you I would catch you”

By the time he lowered me to my feet, I’d already relaxed into his hold - my heart fluttering like crazy in my chest. 

“Maybe I wanted you to catch me”, I muttered, tilting my head to the side so our eyes would meet again.

“Oh yeah?” He whispered back, “And why would you want that?”

I turned my full body to face him and pushed my head closer to his - removing the empty space between us as our foreheads touched. 

“So I could get you like this”, I whispered, rubbing my nose against his.

His lips quickly fought the distance to get a taste of mine, and I caved in to their touch. Without a word of warning, he shoved me against the wall and gripped my wrists as he continued to kiss me passionately. 

“Was this your plan all along?” He snickered through kisses.

“Maybe”, I bit at his lip, “But I’m starting to think the thought crossed your mind, too”

“C’mon, Leslie”, He groaned, “I’ve thought about this since the second I laid eyes on you”

_ I know, I could tell. _

“What’d you think about?” I muttered, “Tell me”

He pulled his head away and tensed his eyebrows, “Well, Leslie, you’re really drunk. I am too, but - I don’t want to do something you can’t really consent to…”

“Oh”, I teased, “So, you’re telling me you didn’t think about undressing me from the moment you met me? Because-”

“No”, Frankie released his grip around my wrists and intertwined his fingers with mine, “I mean - of course I did - do. All the time. But we’re so fucked up, you’re not even gonna remember this”

I licked at my now throbbing lips, “Alright, I mean, if you don’t want to”

“Hey hey”, He moved his head closer to me and planted a gentle peck on my lips, “You know I want to. You are absolutely stunning. But right now, I kind of just want to hold you - if you’re okay with that?

Our eyes locked. I knew he meant well, but in my drunken state, it felt like I was being rejected. Little did I know how much I would appreciate his actions when I woke up alone in my bed the next morning.


	7. Gross

As I walked into the living room, a shiver crawled beneath my skin. Each breath of stale air made my stomach churn. It was a hangover from hell - or some taunting reminder of my actions from last night.

I leaned back into my couch and shuttered at the reminisce of Frank’s cologne. How could I allow myself to get so sloppy?

I pulled my phone out and hovered my fingers over the keyboard. He deserved an apology - but how could I verbalize my embarrassment?

I set it back down on the coffee table and closed my eyes. _What a stupid fucking fuck I am._

 **Frank:** _How’s your hangover?_

I opened my phone and audibly laughed to myself. _Oh thank god._

 **Me:** _Working through it. Look, about last night…_

 **Frank:** _Don’t… mention it._

 **Me:** _Thank you. Thank you for saying that._

I could feel acid shoot up into my throat, and with a quick swallow, I was able to force the puke back down. As much as I wanted to forget about the saliva we’d exchanged last night, something in me felt nostalgic for it. 

_But we were both cross-faded, out of our rights minds…_

_Right?_

**Frank:** _Maybe we need to calm down on all of the drugs, huh?_

 **Me:** _Ha!_

 **Frank:** _Yeah - I was only kidding, too. Smoked most of your weed last night, so I thought maybe tomorrow we could smoke mine?_

 **Me:** _Why not tonight?_

Wait, at what point did I get into this bed, anyway? In my PJs - without a metallic taste in my mouth. Had Frank reminded me to brush my teeth, or had I remembered on my own?

I must have faded into a black out right before he… _rejected me._

 **Frank:** _Band practice tonight. First time I’m seeing everyone since Miranda’s melt-down_

 **Me:** _Ha! Tell Mikey I said hello. Actually, I’m just kidding - don’t_

 **Frank:** _Don’t worry. I’ll let him know ;)_

What a pretentious, sarcastic, adorable, piece of…

Something felt off. For some strange reason, my lips were perked up into a smile. I quickly tried to shake it off, slightly disgusted at the idea of my heightened interest toward Frank. 

I set my phone back down on the coffee table, this time closing my eyes to try and recover from this… jumbled brain of a hangover I was having.

* * *

_(A week later)_

**Mikey:** _Hey Les, what are you up to tonight?_

I could feel my heart rate sky-rocket beneath my chest. At this point, it had been close to three weeks since the last time I’d heard from him. I tried to divert my eyes away from my phone, and back to my computer to focus on work. 

But I couldn’t do that for very long - I was antsy, anxious to hear what he might ask. 

**Me to Mikey:** _Hey, nothing planned. What’s up?_

 **Mikey:** _Really miss you. Miranda’s more stable, and was thinking maybe you might wanna come over?_

I let out an audible sigh - of course he had to bring up her name, so quickly in the conversation. 

But the more time I left between answering, the more time I had to think about it. He’d brought up her name, but there was more to it than just her name. She meant a lot to him, and I knew what he just went through must have been tragic. And now, he felt comfortable enough for me to come into his house - under the same roof as her. 

Why would he tell me to come over if he was ashamed of me? Maybe he really did miss me. 

So, of course, as soon as the clock hit five, I dragged my feet up his front porch and knocked gently at the door. 

Gerard was the first one to answer the door, gwacking slightly at the sight of me.

“Hello Gerard”, I smiled, “I guess Mikey forgot to tell you that I was coming over”

He extended the door open and returned a smile, “It’s good to see you. Feels like a lifetime since we had, well.. Anyone over here”

I took a deep breath in and was hit with a wave of nostalgia - for all of the long nights and crammed parties we’d spent in this now somber living room.

“It’s good to see you, too”, I took a few steps in, “I presume he’s in his bedroom?”

“Yep”, Gerard nodded his head, “You want me to get him?”

“No, that’s okay”, I giggled, “I’ll go surprise him”


	8. Razor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Trigger Warning: Cutting)

After a few shots of bourbon, my weepy eyes revealed something I’d only share to myself in private - my confidence was superficial. By now, the warmth of my noisy heater was the only flicker of satiation my body was able to handle. 

Everything seemed uncomfortably out of my control, and my only grasp of reality clung tightly to the rest of this bottle. I knew all the substances were a plague on my body, but I relied on them - whether it was to numb my racing my thoughts or aid in the only way I knew how to feel.

 **Me to Frank:** _Frank_

But drugs and alcohol weren’t my only vice of choice - and as I shook the tears from my eyes, I gently rubbed a razor blade across the top of my thigh. 

It wasn’t a punishment and I didn’t want to die. Instead, it was a perverted desire to feel something - anything at all felt better than this. With adrenaline surging through my body, I started from the beginning, this time pushing down deeper as I slid it across. Blood pooled at the edges, but I didn’t dare wipe it away. 

Light-headed from the sting of pain, I leaned back in my bed and closed my eyes. I knew it’d reactive tomorrow in the shower, and I secretly craved the torture.

Afterall, who could love a disgusting fuck like myself? A miserable, sufferable, piece of shit whackjob so incapable of feeling normal emotions without the aid of my vices… I knew it the second he answered the door. How could I ever be anything more to Mikey, other than a one night stand? A good fuck? 

Last night, Mikey held my naked body tight in his arms, kissed me like it meant something, even promised to take me out on a real date tonight - but after bitch-buttoning my calls, he cancelled on me for Miranda. 

**Frank:** _Leslie_

Mikey says she’s going through something - that he needs to be there for her after her episode, but what about me? Could Mikey ever guess the hell I was going through?

 **Me:** _Fuck the slut_

 **Frank:** _Haha, what?_

 **Me:** _Can u call?_

Only mere seconds passed before the vibrations on my phone startled my eyes open.

“Hey”, I slurred, “The fuck”

Frank let out a chuckle, “Hey you. So who’s a slut, drunkie?”

I turned on my side and let out an audible gasp at the burn of my open wound, “Fucking Miranda. I was supposed to see Mikey tonight, but noo, that slut needs him”

“You’re seeing Mikey again?” The excitement left Frank’s voice, “I thought that was over”

I closed my eyes again and continued to slur, “I don’t know what I’m doing here Frank”

“Are you”, He started, “Are you okay over there? What’d you take?”

I sniffed and curled my body deeper into a ball, “Just bourbon”

“Are you crying?” Frank asked.

“Why are you… uh…” I slurred, “Twenty one - twenty two questions”

He took a deep breath of concern, “Talk to me. What’s going on over there?”

“I told you”, I scoffed, “Just fucking alone, nothing here”

“Do you”, He started, “You want some company?”

“No”, I started, but was quickly interrupted by a sharp pain in my stomach, “I think I’m gonna puke”

I dropped the phone and leaned over the side of my bed, spitting up the contents of my stomach all over my hardwood floor. I could hear the mumbled outskirts of Frank’s voice coming from my phone, but my head was spinning too much to want to turn over.

After what felt like only seconds of laying in bed with my eyes closed, I heard pounding at my front door. I closed my eyes again, but was awoken by Frank’s footsteps. _I should really start locking my front door -_

“Leslie”, He panicked, running to my aid, “Leslie - what happened to you? You’re bleeding”

I refused to make eye contact with him. _He wasn’t supposed to see this. This part of my life was supposed to be a secret._

“Can you hear me?”, He asked again, “Are you awake?”

I took a deep breath, “I’m awake”

“Did someone do this to you?” He started, “Did you fall? What-”

“I did it to myself”, I slurred, shutting my eyes tight before drunken tears could return, “I’m okay”

“What”, He started, flustered at the thought, “What do you mean you did this to yourself?”

“Razor”, I muttered, pointing to my night-table, “To feel”

He shook his head, “It looks - don’t - I’m gonna clean this up. Do you have a first aid kit or a bandaid or”

“Bathroom”, I slurred, “Under my sink”

I never wanted to open my eyes again. I had no liquid confidence - all I could swallow was shame. I was mortified that he found me, yet slightly relieved that I was no longer alone.

The light from the hallway irked me, radiating pain across the top of my head. I pushed my knees deeper to my chest, desperate to ward off the remaining nausea. After a few minutes, Frank returned with his arms full of supplies.

Through nervous, shaky hands, he managed to pat my wound clean before bandaging it. I stayed quiet, hesitant to speak another word - and he did the same. The touch of his hand on my leg felt strangely intimate, yet completely humiliating.

With my eyes shut, I managed to fall back asleep. From there - nothing woke me, and if it did, I was far too gone to remember it. 

I woke up on my couch, with Frank nervously sitting in the chair beside me. In a haze, I lifted my head and asked, “How did I get here?”

His eyes were bloodshot, and I could tell he didn’t get any sleep, “I carried you so that I could change your sheets. They were covered in puke and blood, and I didn’t want to wake you again so I thought you’d be more comfortable here…”

“Oh”, I bit my lip, nauseated at the memory, “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that…”

“Yes I did”, He corrected me, “I couldn’t leave you like that”

I nervously nodded my head and pulled the blanket further up my chest, “Thank you”

“We need to talk about what you did to yourself”, He started, “Did you do that on purpose?”

I let out a puff of air, “Yeah, I did”

“What the fuck would you do that for?” He started, “What happened last night?”

I shrugged, “I was just having a really bad night. Shitty coping mechanism, I know…”

“Coping mechanism?” He asked, “Leslie, you can’t just do that to yourself. Fuck, you could have bled out - that could have been really bad”

“I wouldn’t have”, I started, “I didn’t go deep enough to bleed out. It would have scabbed over on it’s own. This isn’t my first time…”

With wide eyes, he leaned his head back in the chair and sighed, “Jesus christ. Not your first time?”

Everything felt numb again. I didn’t want this kind of attention. 

“I’m sorry, okay?” I blurted out, “I didn’t mean for you to see this”

He lifted his head and sighed again, “Don’t apologize. I’m not mad at you. I just… I can’t believe you do that”

“I know”, I started, “I know, I know”

“Can you just”, He started, “Can you call me next time, before you do that? Instead of doing that?”

I nodded my head, “I guess”

“And”, He started, “Can you promise you won’t ever do that again?”

I shrugged, “I guess”

“I really need you to promise me”, His voice got more stern, “Tell me you promise me”

I nodded my head, “I promise”

* * *

 **Mikey:** _Really missed you last night. Can I make it up to you tonight?_

I rolled my eyes. Of course, Mikey’s timing couldn’t be more impeccable, as I had just finally convinced Frank to leave me my apartment and shut his eyes. 

All I wanted was Mikey to make it up to me - prove to me that my thoughts were only misconceptions. I wanted him to show me that I was enough for him, instead of feeling pale in comparison to his childhood best friend. 

**Me:** _You buying?_

He didn’t know that Frank spent the night taking care of me - in fact, he didn’t need to know any detail of my friendship with Frank. Two can play at one game, and Mikey was the king of keeping me in the dark.

 **Mikey:** _Of course I am. How about I pick you up at six?_

* * *

**Frank:** _ How’s Mikey? _

As I sat in the passenger seat of Mikey’s car, I quickly tilted my phone to make sure he wasn’t reading over my shoulder.

**Me:** _ How’d you know I was with him? _

**Frank:** _ Gerard told me _

**Me:** _ Okay stalker _

**Frank:** _ It just came up in conversation, kinda shocked me _

**Me:** _ Okay? It’s my life _

“Your phone’s blowing up”, Mikey laughed, “Everything good?”

I clicked it off and set it upside down on my lap, “Yeah - my sister won’t leave me alone”

“Which one?” He asked

“Oh, you know, Jenny”, I started, “On a date with a guy and it’s going bad - she’s just going on about it. Like, I don’t actually care”

He chuckled, “Jenny sounds like a lot. When do I get to finally meet her?”

I swallowed hard, excited at the thought, “You want to meet my sister?”

“Yeah”, He placed his hand on my thigh, “We’ve been seeing each other for a while, you’ve met all my friends and my brother. Don’t you think it’s time for me to meet yours?”

My eyes opened wide - it felt strange to hear him say that. I’d always questioned his commitment to this relationship, but his words told me that I was wrong.

“Yeah”, I exclaimed, “Yeah, definitely. I’ll set something up”

He squeezed my leg lightly, “Good, I’d like that”


	9. PJS

(Two weeks later)

**Frank:** _ Wanna smoke? _

I quickly turned my phone on it’s side, afraid Mikey would see his name. Even though there wasn’t much to hide between me and Frank, I knew Mikey would shutter at the idea of me smoking with his enemy. 

Come to think of it, I should probably change his name on my phone to something less intimidating. Would it be too confusing to have two Jennys on my phone…?

“You always supply the weed, soo” Mikey hummed, shaking a plastic baggy in front of my eyes, “I thought this time, I’d do the supplying”

I squinted my eyes to take a better look at the small white contents of the bag, “That doesn’t look like weed”

He let out a loud laugh, “Well - duh! It’s not weed. It’s Oxycontin”

“Oxycontin?”, My eyes lit up, “Where the hell did you get that?”

He licked his lip and chuckled to himself, “I have my ways. I may or may not have stashed them away last year after getting my wisdom teeth taken out…”

I rolled my eyes, “So they’re over a year old? Talk about lack of potency…”

“Hey”, He laughed, “At least I didn’t come empty handed”

I grabbed the bag from his hands, “Well, I have the higher tolerance, so I’m taking at least two of these”

“Alright, alright”, He grabbed back for it, “Two it is. Only takes one of these to fuck me up”

“Good boy”, I leaned over for a kiss on the lips, “Now are you ready for a good night?”

\--

**Frank:** _? _

Mikey traced his finger down the side of my face, “Are you feeling sleepy?”

“Who, me?”, I shook my head awake to face large dilated hazel eyes, “No, I feel great”

“Me too”, He snuggled his head into my chest, “It’s like all of my pain - it clicked in my head, it’s gone, I’m flying in this haze, but you’re so comfortable, I think I could fall asleep…”

I closed my eyes again, “Pain? What pain could you possibly be feeling?”

“All”, He giggled, “Heart pain, head pain. Inside pain, nothing physical. But it’s all gone now… faded into… why, the arms of an angel, you’re an angel, and I-”

I cut him off with a peck on the lips, “I wish I could feel pain”

“I could pinch you”, He joked, “I could break your heart”

I slid my fingers up the sides of his neck, gripping him at his ears as I firmly whispered, “You can’t break what’s already broken, Mikey boy”

He pressed his lips up against mine again, planting kisses that almost felt electric as he whispered, “You’re not broken”

“Not now”, I managed to get out as he slipped his tongue sloppily into my mouth, “Everything feels so good right now. I’m so happy to be with you”

He bit at my lip as he pulled away, “I’m happy, too, Les. You are one incredible lady, you know that right?”

I snuggled my head closer to his, closing my eyes again as a wave of sleepiness took hold of me, “You’re incredible, too…”

“Leslie”, Mikey lightly shook me, “I’m gonna head home, but I didn’t want to leave you without a goodbye kiss”

I opened my eyes and shook my head, “Home? What time is it?”

“It’s already 8am”, He leaned his head closer to mine, “We slept the whole night away - and surprisingly, I feel amazing. I needed that”

I stretched into a yawn as I sat up, “8am? Holy shit”

“I’m gonna take off”, He started, “But maybe we can do this again tomorrow?”

“Yeah”, I nodded my head, “Tomorrow”

\--

**Me to Frank:** _ Shit, I’m sorry. I was with Mikey, a little too fucked up to pay attention to my phone. _

**Frank:** _ Oh, I see how it is. Smoking all your weed without me! _

**Me:** _ Don’t worry, there’s plenty left for you.  _

**Frank:** _ Is that an invitation? _

**Me:** _ Maybe after I drink my coffee… And change out of my pjs _

**Frank:** _ Better idea. I bring coffee, donuts, and I show up in my pjs… Because it’s kind of too early for me to put pants on. _

I audibly shook my head and laughed to myself.

**Me:** _ Fuck it, come over. _

I stretched out of bed and walked into the bathroom - anxious to clean the drool off the side of my face. Furthermore, even if Frank thought he would be seeing me in my earliest state, he was wrong. With probably fifteen minutes left to spare, I had to start doing everything I could to make sure my hair was brushed, that my skin smelled of candy, and my eyebrows were cleanly drawn on. 

After an impressive eleven minutes, I made my way into a living room that was trashed - bottles of alcohol, plates of food, and wrappers scattered all over. 

I laughed to myself as I began to tidy up. Of course Mikey would leave the front door knowing my apartment looked like this. Mess didn’t phase him, but it did for Frank - as he didn’t wince an eye before cleaning up my own puke and blood. 

As I scurried to load the last cup into my dishwasher, the doorbell startled me.

“You can come in”, I yelled, “You already know it’s unlocked”

He pushed it open with the side of his arm, struggling to juggle a tray of coffee over a box of donuts. I slammed my dishwasher slut and quickly ran over to help him - but as I got closer, the sight of his pjs made me peel over with laughter, “Dinosaur pjs?”

“Okay, okay”, He whined, “Now come grab these coffees before I drop them…”

With tears of laughter forming at the sides of my eyes, I reached forward and managed to secure the tray - giggling still as I walked it over to the coffee table. 

Frank followed close behind me, rolling his eyes as he scoffed, “At least I decided to wear comfortable pjs. Those shorts barely cover your-”

“My what?” I giggled.

He dropped the box of donuts beside the coffee, “Forget it”

“You’re shitting on my pjs”, I started, extending my arm toward him, “But they’re so soft, you have no idea. Feel them”

Without a second thought, he reached his hand out and slid his arm down the side of it. Suddenly, his fingers froze over my arm, and he quickly pulled away - both of our cheeks turning bright red in embarrassment at the thought.

“Anyway”, He diverted, “I haven’t had a sip of my coffee, I was waiting to drink with you. So, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna grab that… right there”

He reached forward and forced a straw into the top of the cup. I mimicked his actions, “Aw, you waited for me? I don’t think I would have done that for me”

He rolled his eyes as he sipped his coffee, “Yeah, well some of us are good friends”

“Hey!” I joked, “I’m a good friend! You’re here for me to smoke you up, aren’t you?”

“Well yeah”, His straw bubbled as he sucked down the last sips of his coffee, “But that’s not the only reason I’m here. You’ve been going MIA lately, thought I’d check up on you. You know, that thing that good friends do”

I took a sip of my coffee, “I appreciate that”

“Also!” He exclaimed, “I brought you coffee and donuts! A bunch of them, too - and I don’t hear a thank you”

“Thank you”, I smiled, “Thank you. Should I get the wrappers?”

His eyes went wide and spun rapidly around the room, “Uh - was kinda hoping you’d already do that by now”

“Well someone kind of sprung these plans on me before I was awake enough to prepare”, I lied, my eyes surveying the room to make sure every last bit of it looked clean, before springing onto my feet to grab some papers.

“Alright”, He sarcastically exclaimed, “I guess you get a pass, this time”

I licked my lips, “What kind of donuts did you bring?”

“Okay so, that’s the thing”, He opened the box, “I may have ordered a dozen and was a little overwhelmed when I ordered, so I just told them to add whatever… So I hope you’re hungry”

“Oh my god, Frank”, I laughed, rolling the papers against the back of the couch, “You’re a godsend”

“Stop”, He pretended to gag, “With all of this godsend nonsense and just eat a fucking donut”

“Ahh”, I sarcastically groaned, “First you want me to get up and roll you a joint, now you want me to sit down and eat your donuts, and you won’t accept a compliment! Looks like I’m taking the first hit of this”

Our sarcastic bickering forced a smile onto my face that I tried to swallow down. I appreciated his friendship and all of his kindness, but I didn’t want it to come off ass too corny. I took a deep puff in, held the joint in front him. Without hesitation, he eagerly grabbed it. 

“Finally”, I laughed, “I can sit down. And feed the DINOSAUR munchies with those cute little donuts. I’m going for the chocolate one”


	10. Beach

**Frank:** _ I’m with Mikey and Bob at the boardwalk - and guess who I just ran into? _

I took a swig of the bottle sitting in front of me.

**Me:** _ You being with Mikey makes me feel weird. Idk, who? _

**Frank:** _ Well, sometimes we get along. Kid has no idea that me and you are friends huh? I haven’t mentioned anything, but it’s funny as fuck that your best friend is this big of a secret to him. _

**Me:** _ Ugh, he gets jealous, okay? Who’s there? _

**Frank:** _ He’s gonna get even more jealous when he finds out how close we are, but no sweat. I’ll lie for your seamless relationship. _

**Me:** _ Frank. Who’s there? _

**Frank:** _ Miranda and Gerard. _

**Me:** _ Shit. Should I just show up? _

**Frank:** _ Your call. I can tell them I invited you. _

**Me:** _ I’ll just call Mikey. _

I dialed his phone number and set him down on speaker, quickly blotting up makeup on my forehead.

“Hello?” Mikey answered.

“Hey cutie!”, I started, “What are you up to? It’s such a nice day”

“I’m actually just at the boardwalk today”, He started, “You’re welcome to join us, if you want!”

I raised my fist in the air, full of pride - my plan had worked.

“Absolutely”, I exclaimed, “Who’s there with you?”

“Frank, Bob”, He started, “Looks like Gerard and Miranda, too”

“Give me fifteen, and I’ll make it down to you”

\--

**Me to Frank:** _ What’s Miranda wearing? I don’t even know what the fuck to wear _

**Frank:** _ Shorts on a tank top. Come on, I’m sure you’ll look good in whatever. Mikey’s getting antsy that you aren’t here yet. _

**Me:** _ Don’t tell him, but I’m running fashionably late. I want him to see me and think “Ohh she’s beautiful” _

**Frank:** _ He’d been an idiot if he didn’t. Anyway, I’ve already started eating my food and I told everyone I’m not waiting this time. _

**Me:** _ I’m running stupidly late, huh? _

**Frank:** _ Mikey’s about to tell you to meet us at the boardwalk. He looks pissed. _

\--

**Mikey:** _ Where are you? _

**Me:** _ So sorry - I’m running late.  _

**Mikey:** _ Kind of disappointed, I wanted to see you, is all. _

**Me:** _ I know Mikey, I’m sorry. Everything seems to be going wrong this morning, I’m a little drunk too, I was hoping maybe I could wait it off, I’m trying to eat some food, too. _

**Mikey:** _ Really? Why would you even agree if you were drunk? _

**Me:** _ Because I was drunk, and the sound of your voice was… Amazing _

**Mikey:** _ You’re being annoying.  _

**Me:** _ I’m sorry. I won’t come if I’m that much of a disappointment to you. _

**Mikey:** _ Come if you want. I don’t know. _

_ \-- _

**Frank:** _ Get over here, NOW. Miranda’s bringing him drinks and they’re talking. _

By now, I had the fuel and energy it took to get behind the wheel.

And yes, I admit, I was a little bit too drunk to be driving this car - but I was doing it for MIkey, and for the sake of our relationship. I tried to chug water and bite down on some toast, but the road still seemed woozy ahead of me.

I somehow made it to the destination in a haze, and as I stepped onto the boardwalk, Bob was the first one to notice me and announce “There she is!”

Mikey stood there with a sad puppy-dog look in his eyes, and I could feel Frank’s glare as I ran down toward Mikey and wrapped him tightly into a hug. 

“I’m sorry”, He whispered, “I didn’t mean it. I’m so glad that you’re here”

I kissed him, “Apology accepted”

He returned the kiss several times, and by the time he pulled away, we were both standing there with stupid grins on our faces. It was relieving to see him kiss me in front of Miranda - it helped me to take away all of my doubts. 

“You missed a delightfully disgusting meal” Mikey laughed.

I chuckled back, “Sounds like it all worked out for a reason, huh?”

\--

At the end of the night, Mikey whisked away - in the opposite direction of the beach that Gerard took Miranda. Throughout the whole night, he smothered me in kisses and held my hand. 

I was intoxicated by the dark water sparkling in front of us, illuminated from a nearby light.

“This is so romantic”, I giggled.

He put his arm around me, “It is, isn’t it?”

I leaned into his hold and smiled.

“Leslie”, He started, “You know, I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t know why I haven’t asked this sooner, but will you be my girlfriend?”

My heart raced inside of my chest, “Really? You’re serious?”

He laughed and nodded his head, “Unless you don’t want that for us”

“Yes”, I exclaimed, “Yes, of course I do”

He reward me with another kiss on the lips, but this time I couldn't pull away. I wanted every part of him - even if it was out in the open. 


	11. Flowers

(3 Days Later)

“You sure you want me to be the one to wake her up?” I groaned at Mikey.

He nodded his head, “Yeah, she’s going through a rough time. I think it would be good for all of us to hang out. Maybe you’ll like her, if you just give her a chance”

“Fine”, I smiled, knocking lightly at her bedroom door. Mikey quickly stepped beside me and knocked louder claiming, “She won’t wake up to just anything”

Miranda opened the door with unbrushed hair, and her eyes squinted as if she was still adjusting to the light. I quickly greeted her with a, “You wanna join us at the beach today?”

The sight of her repulsed me - as she was yet another barrier standing in between my relationship with Mikey. In my head, I pleaded with all my might for her to turn us down - but to disappointment, she agreed.

“Yeah, sure”, She cleared her throat and muttered.

I peered behind her and asked, “Where’s Gerard?”

Mikey quickly cut in, “He’s at work. Don’t you remember why I said we should invite her?”

My head felt foggy, almost feverish - anything Mikey said to me after he suggested the idea of bringing her along must have diminished into white noise. 

I smiled and attempted to play it off, “I thought you just wanted to walk around with a hot girl on each side of you”

Mikey shook his head, seemingly annoyed at my redirection, “Let me change - I’ll meet you guys downstairs in a few minutes”

My head was pounding. Despite the stress of her tagging along, I woke up in a haze - feeling like I was coming down with something. I closed the door behind me and continued to follow Mikey, who now seemed to be slightly upset - and I couldn’t help but wonder, did he even want me around?

**Me to Frank:** _ Today sucks _

After a few minutes, Miranda hopped down the stairs with a backpack, exclaiming, “I’m ready”

I looked up at her,  _ oh god, _ “What’s in the bag?”

“Sunscreen, towels”, She started as I diverted my eyes back to Mkey, “Alcohol”

Mikey raised an eyebrow, “You’re bringing alcohol?”

Miranda nodded her head, but remained silent. 

“Do you have enough for all of us?” he continued

I eagerly nodded my head. Something about his response seemed insincere, and I quickly tried to back her up. I couldn’t blame her, as I’m sure she was feeling just as uncomfortable about the situation.

“Oh honey” I started, “I wasn’t going to drink. But let the girl drink”

After a few minutes, Mikey left me alone with Miranda as he started to load our things into the car. The room was filled with awkward air, and I quickly tried to fill the gaps with empty conversation.

“Do you have a swimsuit?” I asked

“Underneath my clothes!” She exclaimed, slightly lifting up my tank top.

I smiled, “Good. I didn’t want to be the only one in the water. Mikey said he didn’t want to”

Miranda jokingly elbowed me as I walked past, “Don’t listen to everything that idiot says. I bet we can get him in the water”

I perked up, “Okay - I like this girl!”

**Frank:** _ What’s going on? _

I quickly looked around the room to make sure no one was reading over my shoulder, before responding my contact “Jenny”

**Me:** _ Mikey somehow convinced me to go to the beach with him and Miranda, and today I feel like shit. _

By the time I looked up, Miranda was already walking toward the door to meet Mikey. Frank managed to text me back within seconds.

**Frank:** _ Holy shit, that sounds like a good time.  _

\--

Mid-way through the car ride, Mikey ran his right hand over my thigh and gave it a light squeeze. By now, my throat hurt and my head was pounding, but his touch temporarily seemed to alleviate it. 

I tilted my phone to the side, trying to respond to Frank one last time before being inundated with Mikey’s presence.

**Me:** _ Not even there yet, and I want to go home. I’ll text you later. _

Mikey lifted his hand as he set the car into park, and I pouted at the absence of warmth on my thigh. Hazy and tired from the long drive, I leaned into Mikey for a peck on the lips. 

Miranda reminded us of her presence with a sharp “Finally!”, but Mikey’s lips pleaded for more as they returned several kisses. His saliva felt like novacaine, but the thought of her witnessing us exchange spit left a bitter taste on my tongue. I didn’t feel like being here - I wanted to lay in my bed and close my eyes.

By the time we found the perfect spot in the sand, Miranda had already begun sipping a bottle of beer. I sat down - or rather, almost collapsed with exhaustion next to her - but kept my focus on Mikey’s shiny hazel eyes. 

Her company felt unwarranted, but Mikey wanted her there, and like always - I had to honor Mikey’s wish, regardless of how uncomfortable it made me feel. And truthfully, the entire afternoon felt uncomfortable. 

**Me to Frank:** _ Save me :/ _

For the remainder of our time on the beach, I tried my hardest to garner Mikey’s attention - but his eyes kept falling back toward her. Every word we exchanged was bitten by an unnecessary bout of aggression, and eventually I hopped on my feet and headed toward the ocean.

**Frank:** _ Must be a load of fun if you’re finding the time to text me while you’re with him. _

I thought maybe Mikey would follow me, but instead he let me go by my lonesome. As I stood with my toes buried in the sand from the force of waves, I saw them chatting with wide smiles and was met with an overwhelming feeling of sadness. 

I’d lost all of my energy to try and regain his attention. The water felt cold against my feet and it seemed to keep my throbbing headache at ease. It’d been a long week of little sleep, and the stress of today was the final straw to tire me out.

Eventually, I felt his warm arms wrap around my goose-bump ridden abdomen and force me into a hug. The sound of the waves hid his footsteps, and I quickly jumped at the touch - but he was quick to spin me around and plant another kiss against my lips.

As I turned back, I could barely see Miranda’s shadow walking back toward the boardwalk. I knew it. I could read him like a book - of course he headed in my direction following her absence. I was forever his second option and tonight I was sick of it. 

Through chattering teeth, I muttered a half-lie that I wasn’t feeling good from the sun, and I let him drive me home. His tenderness felt more like a hollow facade, and I was eager to leave his passenger seat and walk back into my apartment alone. 

\--

After a three-hour long nap on my couch, I woke up congested and with an uneasy stomach over the little disaster beach trip I’d taken earlier. The more I moved, the faster the symptoms of whatever illness I was fighting took hold of me. Within twenty minutes, I found myself back on my couch.

As I took a long drag of my freshly lit blunt, I found myself laughing at the thought of Frank’s dinosaur pjs. I meant to respond to him sooner, but the thought slipped my mind. It felt strange to admit to myself in my head, but something about him was adorable. His kindness reeked of genuinity and-

I quickly shook my head - flinching at the thought.  _ He was a great friend to me. _

**Me to Frank:** _Finally managed to sneak away from them. How’s your day been?_

**Frank:** _ I was just thinking about you! I’m out of work in 45 minutes and I got my hands on a shit ton of shatter. You busy? _

**Me:** _ I’m not busy, I’m already blazed, but I honestly feel like crap _

**Frank:** _ Oh no! Maybe it will help? _

**Me:** _ Maybe, but I think I’d be better swallowing a bottle of mucinex right now _

**Frank:** _ Oh, you’re sick? :( I thought you were referring to your day with Miranda _

I let out an audible sigh of disappointment. Fuck, if my body wasn’t failing me, seeing Frank would probably the only thing that could possibly brighten my day.

**Me:** _ Yeah :/ Feels that way _

**Frank:** _ I can stop and get you mucinex on the way _

My stomach burst out into a flutter of butterflies that I couldn’t swallow down. 

**Me:** _ You don’t have to do that. Besides, I don’t want to give you whatever I have _

**Frank:** _ I’m not scared of your germs. I’ll see you in 40? _

I bit my lip in an effort to hide excitement on my face - even though he wouldn’t see it through a text.

**Me:** _ See you then! _

**\--**

“Jesus christ”, Frank exclaimed, closing the door slowly behind him, “You look miserable”

I sniffed, pouting as I muttered through a hoarse voice, “I feel miserable”

“Well, good thing I’m here”, He jingled a plastic back in front of my face, “Because I got mucinex, and tissues, and cough drops, and vicks vaporub. I didn’t know how sick you were, but that’s pretty much the concoction I make whenever I get sick”

I smiled wide, the butterflies returning, “Thank you, but you absolutely didn’t have to do this for me”

My chest felt like ice - and I was completely overwhelmed by his generosity. Something inside me went weak, and if I was capable of showing normal human emotions - maybe I would shed tears of happiness. I didn’t know how to further verbalize how much I appreciated his company.

“And guess what else I have?” He dug his hand into his pocket, “I have the shatter! Maybe you’ll feel better after you’ve smoked all of this”

“Thank you Frank”, I muttered, “I can’t believe you would bring this all for me. Can I at least get you dinner? I was thinking of ordering chinese food”

His eyes lit up, “Chinese food? After all of that shatter? You’re reading my mind, Leslie!”

Knocks came from the front door behind us, and I lowered my eyebrows to Frank, “You invite anyone else? Because I really don’t think I can handle company…”

He shook his head, “No. I’ll look through the hole”

As he slowly squinted his eyes against the doorhole, he jumped back and whispered the words “It’s Mikey!”

Suddenly, the cold feeling in my chest turned to tightness. I jumped to my feet, and with a dizzy head, I walked straight to the door. I winced as I turned the doorknob, pre-mediating his reaction at the sight of Frank. 

I opened the door to a concerned Mikey, “I-I thought you weren’t feeling well. I came here to see you, but it looks like you already have some company”

Desperate to avoid a fight, my mouth vomited out words., “It’s not what it looks like”

“Okay”, He breathed heavy, “Because what it looks like - well, it looks like…”

Frank quickly shook his head and cut him off, “We’re just friends. I’m just bringing her supplies”

“Right”, Mikey let out a puff of air, “Well, I’ll be on my way, then”

Though groggy, anxious, and sick to my stomach, I managed to yell out, “Wait, before you go. Let’s just talk”

Frank’s eyes went wide, and he quickly exited my back door to give us some time to decompress. I suddenly cared less for the fire that burned in Mikey’s eyes, and felt a jolt of guilt for putting Frank in the middle of our argument. 

Mikey turned back around and faced me, “Okay?”

“I just don’t think this is working out”, I took a deep breath, “I don’t feel like this is going to work out”

“I - are you sure?” Mikey groaned, “This really what you want?”

I nodded my head, “I wish nothing but the best for you, Mikey. But I think this relationship isn’t what either of us what”

In my head, this conversation was a lot more heated - but as it rolled off of my tongue, I just felt sad. He couldn’t argue back, as he knew my words were warranted. He had eyes for someone else, and I was just a barrier that got in his way.

He nodded his head, “I think I’m gonna go now. But... I hope you feel better”

I took a deep breath, “Still friends?”

He nodded his head once more, “Still friends”

As soon as Mikey exited the front door, I wrapped a blanket around my arms and met Frank on my back porch. His eyes went wide at the sight of mine, and he anxiously blurted out, “Uh oh. He finally found out we were friends”

“Yeah, coast is clear. You can come back to the warmth”, I murmured, “I broke up with him”

He shook his head and jumped to his feet, “You did what? Why did you do that?”

“It just felt right in the moment. I didn’t want to deal with the backlash”, My body compulsed into an aggressive shiver, “You wanna go back inside? It’s cold out here”

Frank let out a chuckle, “It’s not really that cold, it’s kind of nice out here”

I pouted my lips at him.

“Right, you’re sick”, He laughed, “Alright, inside it is”


	12. Chapter 12

**Frank:** _ You have any of that mucinex left over? _

I squinted my eyes to try and adjust my view on the screen, but as I held my phone closer to my head, it looked as though I had three sets of fingers. 

I shook my head and tried again, this time audibly reading his words out loud to myself - desperately trying to process what they meant. After a few seconds, it felt like I was watching myselfI burst out into a fit of laughter. 

**Me:** _ No _

At this point, my tolerance was almost non-existent. I used the mucinex as a vice to fall asleep at night - and during the day. It was a trade lesson I’d taught myself a long time ago - the more you sleep, the quicker you feel better. 

But today, it was hard to tell if my sinuses were actually clear, or if the small dosage of ketamine I’d sprayed into them was taking the place of a numbing agent.

One thing’s for sure, as soon as the spray crawled up my nostrils, the room fell silent - in the best possible way. Time was in a standstill and it felt impossible to to dull this artificial chipper mood.

**Frank:** _ Fucker. I woke up with the sniffles. _

Fucking idiot. I told him this would happen if he came over.

**Me:** _ Casay didwrn you _

_ La la la la la… _

Suddenly, my quiet sanctuary was booming with loud vibrations - that seemed to glitter in the air in front of me. The walls were shaking, screaming at me as the brightness of my phone flashed before my eyes.

“Hello?” I begged, “Where are you coming from?”

Laughter screeched from the speaker of my phone, “It’s me, you dumbass. How high are you?”

I shuttered to myself as Frank’s voice pulled me back into reality, “Good, how are you?”

“Fuck”, He managed to choke out through a fit of laughter, “You answered the question without answering the question”

“I don’t know, Frank”, I cleared my throat, “You’re sorta screaming in the quiet here”

He took a deep breath, “You weren’t making much sense over text, and now I know why”

“I’m on ketamine”, I muttered, “You want to come join me?”

“Ketamine?” He asked, “Jesus christ, I don’t know. Do I?”

My fingers were shaking, but I tried it play off, “Yes, I have some for you”

He cleared his throat before continuing, “I don’t know if I want to leave this bed, I’m really sick”

“Ew”, I muttered, the world seeming to swirl right and left, “Don’t get me sick”

“You’re the one who got me sick”, He sighed.

“Oh yeah”, I muttered, my stomach doing flips, “I can’t pick you up like this”

I truthfully didn’t feel as though we were having a conversation. I was looking at the world from a different lens - a different reality, perceived from above my body.

“Raincheck?” He asked.

I nodded my head before muttering “raincheck” and disconnecting the call. My eyes were too sleepy to keep awake.

* * *

I woke up in a frenzy- falling from a tall ledge in a vivid dream and into Frank’s hands as he shook me awake. 

“What the fuck”, I blurted out, “Why’d you wake me?”

“Was trying to see if you were still alive”, He chuckled, “Last I talked to you, you sounded out of your mind. Got me thinking, ketamine is one hell of a drug. Felt right to check up on you”

I sat up, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. Although I felt sufficiently well-rested, I was now sober enough to feel a kink in the right side of my neck each time I turned my head.

I tried to take a deep breath in through my nose and was met with the grim reminder that my congestion still hadn’t subsided, “I really need to start locking that fucking door”

Without moving my neck, I peered up toward Frank. His eyes looked just as tired as mine, yet he still leaned over me with his hand stretched out, “Why don’t we get you off the floor?”

I felt a chill begin in the center of my back and radiate up my shoulders. I grabbed for his hand and used him as leverage, pulling my weakened body back onto my toes.

Standing up made me woozy, and as I took my first step I muttered, “Talk about one hell of a ketamine comedown”

“Here, I got you”, He muttered, wrapping his arm around my waist to help stabilize my knees, “Let’s bring you over to your bed. I bet that would be a hell of a lot more comfortable”

“Yeah”, I murmured, my shoulders still quivering with a nauseating case of the chills, “That sounds like a good idea”

“Do you sleep here at all?” He asked as we entered my bedroom, “It looks like you haven’t been in your bed since I made it last”

I quickly jumped into my bed, thoughtlessly mumbling, “I probably haven’t. I fall asleep on my sofa a lot, I-I-I I don’t know why”

“You’re something”, He chuckled, tucking the blanket into the sides of my body, “You know that, right?”

“Body heat”, I muttered through chattering teeth, “I need body heat. I want to stop shaking”

He hesitated for a brief second, then questioned, “Like- my body heat?”

“Please”, I pouted, rubbing the open space on my bed next to me, “It won’t mean anything, I just need your cuddles for body warmth”

“Okay”, He rolled his eyes, trying his hardest to conceal a smile as he crawled into bed next to me, “But now you can never say I don’t do anything for you”

Butterflies flooded my stomach as his warm feet intertwined with mine. I let out a puff of air before mumbling, “I could never say that. In fact, I think you do way too much for me”

“Shut up”, He let out a small laugh as he slipped his arm around my body and pulled me close to his.

“I mean it”, I whispered, smiling to myself as I fluttered my eyes shut, “You’re probably the best person in my life right now”

I could hear a smile through his voice as whispered back, “Go to sleep, Leslie. You’re delirious”

I snuggled my body deeper into him and could feel the cold chills start to dissipate, “Goodnight Frankie”

He breathed in the back my hair, leaving behind a platonic kiss on the top of my skull as he whispered back, “Goodnight Leslie”


	13. Teardrops

“Frank”, I whispered, snuggling my head against his chest, “Are you awake?”

“I am now”, He sniffed.

“I don’t think I can sleep any longer”, I brushed my arm over his abdomen and grabbed him into a hug, “But you’re so comfortable, I don’t want to get up”

He laughed and tightened his arm around my shoulders, “You and me both. I didn’t know you were so cuddly”

“Ew”, I laughed, trying to hide the butterflies ravaging around my stomach, “For the record, I’m still only using you for your warmth”

He stifled a laugh, “Uh huh, me too”

 _It was a big fat lie._ The touch of his body felt electric against mine, and for the first time, I was starting to cozy up to the idea of Frank being something more than just a good friend.

“Seems like you’ve stopped shivering”, He started, “So I guess you don’t need me to hold you like this anymore”

“No!”, I could feel my cheeks going red and I quickly let out a groan, “I mean, I could start shaking again at any time…”

With his grip still tight around me, I could tell he was toying with me - confident of the things I barely wanted to admit to myself. With another chuckle, he muttered, “Right…”

I sighed. He’d caught me - he had me all figured out. The best I could do now was to admit defeat.

“I guess I do kind of like this”, I jokingly snarled, “I mean, you’re really warm, and your skin is really soft, and you smell kind of good…”

“Wow”, He chirped, “Would you hear all of these compliments coming out of your mouth? Talk about a change of character”

“Ugh”, I groaned, stubbornly rolling my body away from him, “Well if you’re gonna act like that - then I take them all back. Your skin isn’t that soft anyway-”

He quickly turned on his side and snatched me between his arms, “You’re bullshit, Leslie. You think my skin is soft”

I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. By now, his grip made me feel nervous - anxious, almost, at the tension between us. I stayed still as he moved his body closer to mine and taunted me, “And you think I’m warm, that I smell good, and you love the feeling of being in my arms…”

It was as if my heart dropped into my stomach, and I nervously tried to divert, “I wouldn’t say I love it”

He tugged on my body, begging me to turn around, “Oh you love it”

I was shaking again - but this time with nerves. Hesitantly, I rolled over my shoulders to face him, “You wish”

His nose brushed mine as he pulled our bodies closer together, “Leslie, you’re shivering again. Is something wrong?”

“Frank”, I stuttered in a deep breath, “If you want to kiss me, what’s taking you so long?”

I could feel his warm laughter against my cheek, “What makes you think I want to kiss you?”

With our faces still pressed close together, I angrily scrunched my nose at him. His silence taunted me, and for a brief second I thought maybe he’d breach the barrier with his lips - but before either of us could make a move, an itch in my throat made me curl my body into the opposite direction and aspirate into a deep cough.

“Jesus”, He sat up, rubbing his hand against my back, “That doesn’t sound good”

Retaining my composure, I reached over to my night table in search of an opened water bottle, “It’s fine, I’m fine”

“You want me to get you some water?” He asked, his hand still stroking the small of my back.

“Ugh”, I whined, “That’s what I was trying to reach for. How did you know?”

“It’s part of my superpowers. I can read your mind”, He joked as he stepped out of bed, “Anyway, I’ll be right back, but I think I’m gonna head out after. It’s late, and I have work in the morning”

“No”, I pleaded, “Don’t go. You don’t have to get me anything. Just stay with me”

His eyes seemed to glimmer back at me with regret, “I don’t think I should”

His words felt like a blow to my chest, “Was it something I said? Because I was just joking-”

“No. It’s nothing like that”, He started, “Just… What are we doing here? You just got out of a relationship and I don’t just want to be a rebound. You’re a good friend to me, Leslie. Maybe we shouldn’t push that”

“Oh”, I took a deep breath out, trying to fight the urge to collapse into tears, “Okay”

“I’m sorry, that felt harsh”, He dropped his eyes to the floor, “Now I don’t want to go”

I closed my eyes, “No, it’s okay. Maybe you should go”

Keeping my eyes shut was just another barrier to prevent the tears from falling out of my eyes, yet I could still hear his footsteps getting closer. As soon as they stopped, I could feel his lips press against the tip of my forehead before he whispered, “I hope you feel better. Call me if you need anything”

But it was too late, the tears were already pooling between my eyelids. As his footsteps left my bedroom, I pulled my head close to my knees - desperate to sink back into a slumber and away from this mind-numbing nightmare.

**Me to Mikey:** _ I miss you. _


	14. Pregame

**Frank:** _ Mikey and Gerard are having another shindig tonight, if you wanna join  _

I rolled my eyes, slightly anxious at the thought. Although it’d been weeks since our awkward encounter, I’d still felt torn up over it. Time pushed me back into a lonely cocoon that I tried to remedy with the attention of others - specifically Mikey, who welcomed my affection with wide arms. I could only assume that Frank needed some space apart from me - to strengthen and restore the bond of our friendship. His silence made me sad, but it solidified how he felt about me. 

Even Frank’s actions confused the ever-living-fuck out of me, I still wasn’t ready to give up a loyal friend. And after all, who was I to deny a good time?

**Me:** _ Okay. Want to pregame? _

**Frank:** _ What kind of a question is that? Of course  _

I turned knob on my shower and stuck my hand under the water, lost in thought as I waited for it to heat up. Suddenly, it felt like I’d been kicked in the stomach - reliving second-hand embarrassment as I played the events of that night in my head, still trying to make sense of his actions leading up to the rejection. Why would he act so foolishly enamored by my company, only to backtrack when I expressed the same? Was it something I said or something I did?

_ It had to be something I did... _

As I fully immersed myself under the water, it’s touch stung the fresh cuts on my thigh. The reminder seemed to dull my sense of shame - so I let the water run, caving in to it’s torture. 

_ Because I’m so fucking stupid and pathetic, I deserve every second of it..  _

\--

After a few hours of prepping, and a few too many shots of liquor, I was almost ready to enjoy the night. But by the time Frank knocked on my door, I was already second-guessing my shade of lipstick. 

“You know the drill”, I yelled, “Come on in, it’s unlocked”

As the door squealed open behind him, I drunkenly shook two lipsticks in front of his eyes, “What do you think? Red or pink?”

He bit his lip nervously and scanned me up and down, hesitantly answering, “Uh, red looks fine. Although it looks like you got a some it on the tip of your finger”

“Yeah, yeah”, I laughed, biting slightly at my tongue as I stuck it out at him, “I used my finger to pat it on - duh”

He plopped down on my sofa and dug through his backpack for a can of beer, “I thought we were pre-gaming together, but it looks like you beat me to it”

I sat down across from him and giggled, “Yeah well, you know, felt like I needed an extra boost to make it through tonight. Given, well, you know-”

“Right”, He cracked his beer open, “This is the first time you’ve seen Mikey since the break up”

“Yeah”, I gulped, my eyes bouncing side to side, “That’s what I was talking about”

He took a sip of his drunk, “Were you not?”

I cleared my throat, “No. I was. Sorry, I’m a little drunk-”

“Well don’t worry”, He smiled, “I hear Gerard and Miranda are getting pretty serious, and Mikey is pretty single nowadays”

Without thinking, I leaned my elbow into my thigh and quickly flinched from the pain. I shook it off and leaned back, trying my best to play it off, “No way. Cool. Good for me!”

Frank rolled his eyes and took another sip of his drink. He wasn’t dumb - and he had to be a fucking idiot to believe the bullshit that was rolling off of his tongue. But for some reason, he didn’t push it, and instead played along. 

I diverted my eyes, trying desperately to avoid all eye contact with him. This night felt more awkward than ever - and I couldn’t help but wallow in the distance between us. It felt shitty to sit this far away from him after knowing how good it felt to hold him close. 

I wanted to forget it all. I’d never looked at him like this before, but tonight, his large eyes glared daggers. Something about the contour of his cheekbones made me want to reach forward and drag my finger against them - tease him with my touch and take the lead on resuming the kiss that we almost shared. 

“Oop”, Frank chirped, “Gerard said we’re welcome to come over early, you wanna head?”

His voice pulled me back into reality. This was just Frank - the stupid guy who wore dinosaur PJs and smoked blunts with me on the weekdays. _ Nothing more… _

“Leslie”, He snapped his fingers, “Did you hear me?”

I nodded my head and hiccupped, “Yeah, sorry. Let’s go!”

\--

“Hey you two”, Gerard greeted us by the front door, “Good to see you! We’ve already got a full house”

I perked my lips into a smile, “Good to see you! It’s been too long”

“Mikey and Miranda left to pick up some more drinks”, He slurred, “But there’s plenty of beers in the fridge if you wanna help yourself”

Frank pat at his backpack, revealing the jingle of more bottles, “No worries, we came prepared”

As we entered through the front door, Ray ran over to greet us with a hug. Loud music blared from an overhead speaker, and I was eager to walk past it and stop the ringing in my ears. 

“You want one?” Frank asked, reaching into his bag, “I mean - I’m sure you don’t need one at this point. But I’ll entertain it anyway”

I eagerly nodded my head and ripped the bottle out of his hand, “Without question, but I’m expecting you to hold my hair back as I puke it back up”

He rolled his eyes and let out a chuckle before clinking his beer against mine, “Let the fun begin!”

“Shit”, He muttered, “You’re probably gonna wanna drink faster now”

I turned my head and could see Mikey and Miranda hauling bags over to the kitchen. I took a sip of my drink, pretending to seem distraught - but by now, the vision of Mikey and Miranda was nothing in comparison to the urge I had to touch the man standing in front of me.

“I’ll take a drink with you”, He leaned his over to me and whispered, “Look at those fuckheads”

My eyes glared back over to the kitchen, and I could see Miranda dragging Mikey by the wrist - whispering something gently into his ear. The sight disturbed me, especially knowing that Gerard had been eagerly waiting for her arrival on front steps.  _ But I couldn’t put it past either of them; they were meant for each other. _

She threw her arm over his shoulder, laughing loudly as she flirtatiously shouted, “Oh Mikey, you’re so funny!” 

“Jesus Christ”, Frank whispered, “This is a shit show”

I couldn’t look away - he was right, it was an absolute disaster. Even worse as I read the look of discomfort in his eyes while she whispered sweet nothings into his ear. His cheeks turned bright red as her hand trailed down his shoulder, and it made me physically cringe. 

With one last wink, Miranda disappeared into the kitchen and left Mikey behind - anxious and partially terrified. Unfortunately for me, as I looked in his direction, our eyes met - and I was forced to cut through the crowd and greet him. I felt bad for him, and it felt like my responsibility to calm him down.

“Hey”, I muttered.

His eyes went wide at the sight of me, “Hey, how are you?”

I took a sip of my beer and smiled, “I’m good. That looked painfully uncomfortable. What the fuck happened there?”

Suddenly, it was as if the room fell silent, and the loudest voice came screaming from the kitchen. After a few seconds, it was clear to me whose voice it belonged to - Gerard.

“My brother?” He shrieked, “How long has this been going on for?”

Mikey’s face went pale, and without speaking another word, he disappeared toward the commotion. For a split second, I stood by to hear how everything would pan out.

“Don’t lie to me” he yelled, “I saw you, with my own eyes”

But as Mikey entered the room, the scowl in his voice as he yelled, “What the hell is going on?” made my stomach drop. 

Quickly, my eyes searched through the crowd - and as I overheard Gerard yell “I fucking caught you both”, I ran headfirst in Frank’s direction.

“Get me out of here, please”, I begged, grabbing him by his shoulders, “I want to go home”

He squinted his eyebrows in confusion, “What happened over there?”

“Something bad”, I muttered, “Please. Can we go?”

He nodded his head and lowered his voice, “Of course. After you”

\--

I grit my teeth with anxiety, suddenly sobered up as Frank started the car.

“So what was that?” He asked, breaking the silence as he backed out of the driveway, “Was that Gerard screaming?”

I couldn’t believe I was allowing myself to seem so vulnerable, but as I went to speak, my voice cracked with tears, “It was horrible. I wish I never came”

Without looking at me, he reached his hand over to rub at my arm, “Hey, it’s okay. Did he say something to you?”

“He didn’t have to”, I started, “He’s not the one I want”

Frank’s hand tensed up and went still over my arm, “What are you talking about?”

“Nevermind”, My breathing quivered as I pat the wetness from underneath my eye, “I ended things with him, and seeing him with Miranda solidified my actions”

I was so close - too close to telling Frank the way I felt. But his frozen hand warned me not to, and after all, I should have known better. This wouldn’t be the first time Frank rejected my attempts at affection.

“That’s good”, He soothed, “I bet it feels good to say that”

I nodded my head, subtly laughing through tears, “And it looks like I left him in a shitty situation. Gerard caught wind of their little fidelity problem”

“Woo”, He chuckled as he resumed stroking my arm, “About time”


	15. Elation

Normally, the touch of Frank’s fingertips would be enough to calm me down - but tonight, it served as an eerie reminder of what I couldn’t have. He was everything I wanted, and my perverted curiosity kept wondering if there was a possibility that he might feel the same.

“It’s so early”, I whined, “The night doesn’t feel over. Any chance you wanna come in and smoke a blunt with me?”

He let out a puff of air, hesitantly looking off into the distance as he mumbled, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Night’s still young”

I had no inkling of what was running through his mind, aside from his hesitation. But he accepted my offer, and I was eager to jump from his passenger seat and hobble up the driveway to my front door. 

Strangely enough, as I took my first steps, I could sense that he wasn’t following my lead. He’d made his way out of the car, but he stood there frozen - anxious with his hands clenched in the pockets of his pea coat.

“You comin?” I yelled back.

He tilted his head up at me, “Actually, you think you can just give me a second? I’ll meet you inside”

My chest tightened with uncertainty, and I started walking back toward him, “You alright? Think you’re gonna boot or something?

“Yeah, uh” He cleared his throat, “I’m alright”

I took a deep breath in through my nose, “You want me to stay out here with you?”

He shook his head, “It’s just - I thought I could do it”

I squinted my eyebrows, “Do what?”

“I thought I could go in there with you”, He started, almost breathless with anxiety, “But the whole thing feels weird. I’m trying to…”

I felt sick - what the fuck was he even going on about?

“If you don’t feel comfortable in my place anymore”, I started, “Then I’m happy to grab a blunt and sit with you in your car..”

“No”, He shook his head, “It’s not your place that I’m afraid of. It’s you”

By now any ounce of alcohol left in my system had disappeared - and his words left me completely sober. 

“Oh”, I straightened my posture, “That’s fine, I’ll give you some space, then”

Hard to explain, but my insides felt like they were drowning. I’d been trying not to overwhelm him, but it was clear to me now that I’d breached the barrier. It was unlike him to speak such terrible words to me, but I knew they were warranted. Without a second thought, I turned around and started to head back to my front door - desperate to numb my feelings with some kind of drug.

“Leslie, stop”, He muttered, “You took that the wrong way. I’m sure that’s my fault, because I don’t always know what to say”

“I get it”, I halted my step, redirecting my eyes down to the pavement, “I know what happened the other day made you feel uncomfortable, and fuck, it made me feel uncomfortable too. We were both delirious, and frankly I don’t want something so trivial to ruin our friendship. You are truly my best friend in the world and I don’t want you to go away”

I could hear him take a step closer to me, but with the heat of embarrassment burning my cheeks, I refused to lift my head and face him. 

“Don’t worry, Leslie. I’m not going anywhere”, he started, “That’s not what any of this is about”

“Then what is it about?” I blurted out, aggravated by his lack of an answer, “Because right now all I’m getting is that you’re afraid of me”

“I worded that poorly. I’m not afraid of you”, He anxiously shifted his stance and cleared his throat, “Did you really want me to kiss you?”

I squinted my eyes at him, “In the moment… I did”

“Do you still want me to?”, He muttered.

His words shocked me into lifting my head, and I reluctantly met our eyes. Nothing about this conversation was adding up, and his question shook me to my core. I knew my answer could make or break the fate of our friendship.

With what felt like grasping at straws, I managed to mutter the words, “I-I don’t know”

His eyes seemed to glimmer with the same level of avidity that I was too scared to verbalize. He paused for a brief second before muttering, “I really wanted to”

Chills crawled up the back of my neck. I raised my eyebrow at him, “Then why.. didn’t you?”

He shrugged, “I just didn’t think it was the right time”

“The right time?” I whined, angrily taking a step closer to him, “What the fuck is the right time? And why would you leave me there to-“

“I’m sorry”, He cut me off, “I really am sorry. I’m just not used to this level of intimacy - At least not with someone who means this much to me… I thought too much into it. You were freshly recovering from your break up with Mikey, and the thought of being a rebound kept eating at me-”

He paused - seemingly from words that tasted more bitter than he anticipated as they rolled off his tongue. But luckily for him, his words were all I needed to spill the ones buried deep in my head.

“You aren’t just some rebound”, I took a deep breath, “You’re someone that I care deeply about”

“Do you really mean that?” He asked, reaching forward and brushing his hands down the sides of my cheeks, “You have feelings for me like that?”

The moment felt serene, and I struggled to hold back tears as I nodded my head against his hand, “This whole night I had to pretend like I even gave a shit about Mikey, but the only thing I could think about was you. All of your stupid dinosaur pjs, your stupid laugh, the way your arms felt so warm as they-”

“Shut up”, He whispered, pushing his lips passionately against mine, “I think I’ve heard enough”

I licked my lips as I pulled away, shaking with elation as I muttered, “Do you think, maybe now, you’ll join me inside?”

He forced another peck on to my lips, smiling ear to ear as he whispered back, “Absolutely, beautiful”

 **Mikey:** _I’m sorry about that. It was nice to see you tonight._

* * *

For the rest of the night, we sat partially on top of each other - exchanging kisses between sips of alcohol and puffs of weed. My eyes scanned Mikey’s text message, but I was too intoxicated with the taste of Frank’s saliva to think about anything else. Each cheeky smile he shot me reeked with utter bliss. We’d finally caved in to our feelings, exchanging a wave of vulnerabilities that once felt locked away. 

“I want to take you on a date”, He stroked his fingers down the side of my arm, starting at the top of my shoulder, “Somewhere nice. Somewhere better than this-”

I let out a small laugh and lightly smacked my hands against his fingers, “Frank! What on earth could be better than this?”

He intertwined his fingers through mine, “Now don’t get me wrong, I love it here. But I want to take you somewhere that serves fancy wine, somewhere I can show you how much I want to make this official”

“Official?”, I chewed at my lip through a smile, “What do you mean by that?”

He twisted his body and giddy leaned his head into me, “Quit playing stupid, you know what I mean by that”

I grabbed at his body and rested my chin against the top of his head, “Like- you want to make me your girlfriend, official?”

“Yeah, something like that”, He started, but I feel his body tense up against me as he second guessed his words, “That is what you want- right?”

I kissed the top of his head, “Of course that’s what I want”

“Okay”, He smiled, “Good”

Butterflies seemed to find their way into my chest, despite all of the substance I’d consumed to make them flutter away. This moment felt utterly surreal. I was in a state of euphoria, completely entranced by his touch, his voice, the calming scent of his cologne.

“So does this mean I have to wait until our date to call you my boyfriend?” I asked, my lips tightening into an anxious smile.

He shook his head, “No. This is perfect. I can’t wait any longer for that”

“Why?”, I sarcastically jabbed, “If you think about it too much, you think maybe you’ll get cold feet again?”

He quickly turned to face me, with angry eyes and jaw dropped open in awe, “Shut up”

“I’m just saying”, I continued to joke, “I’ve been here all along, just waiting for you as you struggled to make up your mind”

“You’re a piece of work”, He laughed, forcing me to relax back as his body crawled on top of me, “Gonna hold that over my head forever, huh?”

I pushed my lips up against his, slightly biting against his lip as I pulled back down, “Gonna have to. Sorry, boyfriend”

* * *

“Wow”, Frank muttered, his mouth open in awe as I sat down across from him, “You look amazing”

Glasses clinked from the table beside us. I pressed my lips together to suppress a smile and let out a heavy breath from my nose, “You look great too, babe”

“Calling me babe, now?”, He poked fun, causing my cheeks to burn red with embarrassment, “I like it”

His smile sent me back to grade school, racing my heartbeat like the passion of a new crush. I found it peculiar that his words still had such an influence over me, yet I loved this feeling of surrender. I was looking at him from new eyes - bewitched at the way his peered back at me with such genuinity. 

“What?” He whined, uneasy from the silence.

“I was just thinking”, I licked my lips, “How much I like calling you babe”


	16. I Love You, But You Don't Love My Drugs

Soon, nightfall began at 4:30pm and the weather became more dreary. Snow would blanket our cars, only to be wicked away by raindrops the next day. Weekends teased us with 60 degree days, but Tuesday mornings made the prickles of hair on our arms rise as we tried to brave the low 22 degrees. Things were changing, and so was my heart. 

It became clear to me, that I’d fallen hard for Frank - deeper than I was capable of. But cold weather meant for tighter cuddles, and here I was, spending date-nights sipping fancy moscato in high end restaurants, only to wake up in our pjs and indulge with a few puffs of weed. My world was completely turning. When Frank wasn’t around, I was really starting to miss him. I missed his body heat on the end of the sofa - and when my fingers went numb, I craved his hand to hold. 

The sweetest part of our relationship lay on the fact that even though our romance was progressing with such an intensity, our friendship remained the same. Sometimes, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much - and if we did fight, it was really just stupid bickering that ended with kisses. Needless to say, I just felt so lucky to have him as a part of my life. 

One cold night, Frank knocked on my door - laughing so hard that tears pooled around the corners of his eyes. 

“You should have seen the look on Mikey’s face”, He started, pressing his hands against his knees to recoup from the laughter, “When I told him off”

It was the first night that it’d really dawned on me - Mikey was no longer a thought in my mind, even if I was still one in his.

“What happened?”, I smiled, closing the door behind us.

By this point, Frank had calmed down and plopped his body sideways onto my sofa, “He told me to shut up, that my jokes weren’t funny, so I hit him with ‘I know you’re pissed about Leslie, but she’s not yours anymore’”

My eyes went wide, “What’d he say?”

“Well, his face went white with anger”, He started, holding back more laughter, “And he stormed out of the room… You’d never guess who went after him, either”

I bit my lip and rolled my eyes, “Gerard?”

“Gerard?”, He cackled out a laugh, “Totally. Nah, it was Miranda. Bet he totally cried all about you, but boohoo for him, you’re mine now”

_Mine. Now._

It was right then and there, that I spit out the words “I love you” for the first time. He sat straight up and lovingly pouted at me before saying, “Aw, Leslie, I love you, too”.

But it was long overdue. However, his story wasn’t over there - and as quickly as we exchanged lovingly words, he leaned forward and continued, “And you’ll never believe what happened next”

“Did he come back?” I asked.

Frank shook his head, “No, but Gerard was pissed. His brother stormed out of band practice, and his girlfriend went after him. He had a few select words once she left”

I sighed, “I feel so bad for Gerard. Wonder when he’s gonna realize how shitty the girl really is”

“Think he’s already figured it out”, Frank chuckled, “Because the rumor tonight is that Miranda left him, probably to run back to Mikey”

“Ugh”, I groaned, “You think he’d be so stupid to take her back?”

“Yeah”, Frank laughed, “I don’t know why these two idiots are so obsessed with her. But it’s alright… cos at the end of the day, I’m the lucky one. Come to think… Prettiest girl I’ve ever met told me she loves me tonight. So, I guess I am pretty lucky”

I could feel myself blushing as I ran over to squish him on the couch, “Think I’m luckier, though”

Frank squinted his eyes at me and shook his head.

“You know”, I started, quickly changing the subject while I pinned him down against the couch, “You think maybe we should invite Mikey over for a smoke sometime? Like - maybe all of us could be friends? You know there’s no way I’d ever-”

“Before you finish that sentence”, He shushed me, “Let it be known that I trust you. And you can hang out with whoever you want. I’m just humored that you’d think Mikey would want to hang out with me”

“You guys are friends sometimes, though”, I started, “Right?”

He shrugged, “We’ll find out - I suppose. Hang up isn’t on my end”

And at the end of the day, both of us were right. Mikey apologized to Frank profusely - and despite the awkwardness of our break up, I didn’t mind when I looked back at Frank. Frank was my staple, my best friend, someone I could actually see as a life partner. Mikey was just better off as my friend.

After this, Mikey started texting me - sometimes he’d message just to vent about his relationship with Miranda, and I’d read it outloud and laugh with Frank. Frank would also help me brain-storm advice to send to Mikey, which usually just came off as “Leave her ass” - but Mikey was too deep in. Most of the time, while all of this was happening, I’d just look back and smile at Frank. Really, it would be impossible to verbalize how fortunate I felt to have someone as amazing as him in my life. 

A few days after Gerard and Miranda’s break up, Mikey called us from the hospital - apparently Miranda got drunk and lost in the woods for a few nights, but Mikey and some bartender found her and allegedly saved her life. Of course, they managed to hide the whole thing from Gerard, until Gerard found her crippled trying to walk up the stairs in his house.

It was a disaster that I was happy to be listening to from the sidelines, and no longer involved. However, the following day Mikey showed up at my doorstep with something much stronger - heroin.

“What the fuck”, Frank blurted out, repulsed by the sight, “Why the fuck would you even think to do something like that?”

I shrugged and attempted to defend him, “We’ve done plenty of opiates before”

Mikey stayed quiet, nodding his head in agreement to me. However, Frank had a hard time staying quiet, “You could die. I don’t wanna lose either of you guys. Why can’t we just smoke some weed together?”

“Weed really won’t numb the pain”, Mikey added in, “Not like this”

Frank shook his head, “Well, I’m not doing it. I’m having a beer instead”

“Fine by me”, I sighed, “And don’t you worry - this isn’t my first rodeo”

But I was only thinking for myself - and as I was too busy nodding out, Frank was wide awake, trying to sober up from his slight buzz as he watched us in a panic. I didn’t realize using something like this in front of him would make him so scared, but I also think he didn’t know what to expect.

I was half-awake, but I was in bliss. Something popped in my brain activated the adrenaline in such a way that everything was good - nothing could ever hurt again. 

Luckily for me, Frank brought me to my bed and tucked me in. However, he didn’t close his eyes, as he walked back and forth between the couch Mikey was nodding off in, and my room. The next morning Frank was sleepless and irritable, and Mikey was already gone. 

I felt bad because I was well rested, but he was such a cute baby - even when he was sleepy. I wanted to grab him and kiss every part of his face, but instead, he turned away.

“You could have fucking died”, He screeched, pacing back and fourth in my living room, “Babe - I don’t mind drugs, but this shit is on a completely different level”

I knew Frank was right, but I wasn’t going to admit it outloud. But even though he was upset, I still wasn’t regretting my decision. The high felt euphoric, and every moment of the night felt amazing. I knew using these kinds of substances could kill me, but the worst part is, I didn’t even care if it would. Right now, I felt like I had everything I could ever possibly want in the world. 

I could think of Frank’s smile and dissociate off into the most beautiful things. Life felt surreal - but now that I was sober, I could see the hurt in his eyes. 

“I don’t know if I can do this”, Frank blurted out, “I can’t do this anymore if you’re going to continue to do this shit”

I swallowed hard. It felt like I’d been stabbed with a dagger of words - striped away of any chance of redemption, “You don’t mean that, right?”

“Fuck”, He started, “Leslie, of course I don’t want to leave you. But I need you to stop doing this. I stayed up all night, just hoping nothing would happen to you…”

“Don’t worry”, I started, “I won’t do anything like that in front of you again”

_My word-trick worked. He didn’t even pick up on it._

“I’m just saying, I’d like you to never do this again”, He started, “It horrified me”

I nodded my head, “I understand” - But I didn’t know if I really did.


	17. Remorse

I can’t explain it - but after Frank left my apartment to catch some shut eye, I was left in a state of disarray. Nerves were pooling at the pit of my stomach, and although he’d left me with a smile and kiss - I couldn’t rinse the sour taste of guilt from my mouth. 

I felt remorse for making him feel so uneasy, and his absence left me feeling abandoned - even though I knew he needed the rest. 

**Me to Frank:** _ I miss you already.  _

I set my phone on the coffee table and as I finally found the energy to lift my legs from the sofa. As I lugged myself to the bathroom, eager to search through the cabinets for some sort of remedy, I found myself talking outloud, “He knew what he was getting into from the start, right?”

By now, I was fighting both my nerves and a nasty hangover. But luckily for me, I was able to pour the cure into the palm of my hand; two, small, oval-shaped white pills that read “10mg”. Zolpidem Tarte. Ambien, for short. They’d slow my racing my mind, ease the sensation of all my ailments, and eventually let me close my eyes. That was, if I let myself. 

There was a fun part to ambien, and it was best to be experienced in a high dosage on an empty stomach. I shuttered to myself, trying not to gag as I dry-swallowed both pills. Vibrations of a new text taunted me from the living room, and this time I’d found a faster pace as I jogged back to the sofa - eager to hear from Frank.

But to my dismay, the message was anything but.

**Mikey:** _ All of those lies she fed me last night - only for me to catch flirting with my brother in the kitchen. So much for love, right? _

I rolled my eyes and placed my phone back down on the coffee table. The idea of entertaining anymore drama between Mikey and Miranda made my head hurt.

Soon, the click of a “high” made my pupils pinpoints. I noticed it as soon as the show I was watching stopped making sense. It was then, that I found myself picking my phone back up and texting Mikey.

**Me:** _ She’s a fucking bitch, anyway. Fuck her. _

He was quick to answer, and I felt happy to respond. It dawned on me now how important of a friend I was to Mikey - as he didn’t have much. He needed someone to talk to.

**Mikey:** _ Feels so fucking shitty. What do I do? _

Of course, my advice was spotty. I couldn’t process the words before I typed them out, and it was funnier to me the less legible they read.

**Me:** _ Tell her to fuck herself and the whole crew _

**Mikey:** _ What’s wrong Les? _

It was like he knew - but his words made me sad. Sadder than I’d normally feel, and right now I couldn’t explain it.

**Me:** _ On paper, me and Frank ar perfect. But my gut second guesses the handwriting. _

Oh the things I wanted to do. I wanted to cut, but tonight I couldn’t numb my pain with a razor blade - as Frank would tear me a new one at the sight of new wounds. Guess all of these wounds stay internal.

**Mikey:** _ Did something happen after I left? _

**Me:** _ Nothing. He’s just asleep _

I stretched my legs out and leaned back into my sofa. I was so relaxed, I could fall asleep right now-

**Mikey:** _ You know you can talk to me if you need to, Les _

**Me:** _ Thanx _

**Mikey:** _ Really, Frank would be fucking stupid if he let you go like I did. _

My eyes were struggling to stay open - but my fingers were eager to type, whether my message was legible enough to make sense of.

**Me:** _ yudnt know _

Somehow, Mikey could understand me.

**Mikey:** _ I know. You’re beautiful, Les. _

In a sober state, I would have recognized his words as being flirtatious. But right now - I took his words like advice. In this second, I was grateful to have such a sweet friend on the other end of the line.

**Me:** _ U mean so much to me _

**Mikey:** _ Really? Because tonight I was thinking the same. Miranda told me she wants to make things more serious, but I’m scared. I almost feel like I left something behind with you.. _

The message made me quiver - and I was fast to delete the rest of our conversation. After a few minutes, he texted me again. 

**Mikey:** _ You think there’s still something there? _

Luckily for him, I’d already forgotten the topic of our conversation. 

**Me:** _ Where? _

But that was all he’d get from me. I opened my eyes for one last time before slowly leaning back further and drifting into sleep. I woke up six hours later with no recollection of our conversation, and unread text from Frank.

**Frank:** _ I miss you too. Fuck, I ended up calling out of work and sleeping the whole day. I still don’t feel caught up. _

I took a deep inhale through my nose, breathing in all of my relief. 

**Me:** _ I slept the full day, too. And now I almost have to sleep again. _

**Frank:** _ Wanna stay up and ruin our sleeping schedules together?  _

I bit my lip - excited to hear him say that. My nerves had me going insane for the majority of the day.

**Me:** _ I would like that… More than anything. _

\--

“Pizza?” I squealed, gitty at the sight of Frank lugging in two large boxes.

He nodded his head, “I was hungry, figured you hadn’t eaten either”

I scurried over to the table and lifted the box, “They look amazing. Oh my god, Frank. You are the best”

He stepped closer and greeted me with a peck on the lips, “The best deserves the best, don’t they?”

_ This was it - the crystal clear lens on my vision.  _ I was so fucking in love with Frank that it hurt my brain. It started with the subtle aroma of his expensive cologne and ended with a blink of his large, green eyes. But in between, I gwaked to myself at the sight of his cheeky smile, surrounded by soft skin and neatly combed hair. 

Even with bags of tired tucked under his eyes, he looked amazing. And tonight - more so than ever, I couldn’t admire him enough. 

“What?”, He giggled, chomping off the tip of a new slice of pizza.

“Sorry - was I staring?”, I shrugged my lips to the side, “I’m just trying to wrap my mind around how I got so lucky”

I could see his cheeks turn flush, and he quickly shook his head, “Stop. We’ve already discussed this, and I’m the lucky one”

“You know, I was scared”, I admitted, “I didn’t think you’d ever want to see me again”

He shook his head, confused, “Really, what, why?”

“You just looked so scared last night”, I started, “You didn’t even sleep. I really thought I’d scared you away for good”

He shook his head and swallowed his bite of pizza, “Yeah - I was fucking scared. I thought you or Mikey were gonna die on me”

My stomach twisted, but he was eager to take another mouthful of pizza and continue, “I think it’s obvious you didn’t scare me away. I don’t plan on going away anytime soon”

“Anytime soon?”, I tried to divert from our serious topic and throw in my dark humor, “Are you planning on leaving me?”

He chuckled, “No, no. I-”

But I was quick to cut him off, “Well anyway, I owe you an apology. And I have to thank you for taking care of me”

“I know you would do the same for me”, He started, quick to combat with humor of his own, “But, I just don’t put myself in as many shitty situations”

I giggled, “So you think I should stop taking drugs?”

He raised his eyebrow, “I think you should consider the risks of some drugs. But otherwise, I don’t care what you do”

“So, you hear the band deal finally went through?” He chirped, giddy with excitement.

“Mikey mentioned something, but I hadn’t heard for sure”, I continued, “Congratulations! When do you leave?”

“Well darling”, He started, “Aren’t you coming with us?”

My eyes went wide, “I didn’t even know that a possibility”

“Uh- yeah. I don’t want to be gone that long without you” He smiled at me, “Please come”

“Okay, I’d love to”, I perked up, scooting my body closer to his, “So when do we leave?”


	18. TOUR

I’d spent the afternoon swallowing down shots with Frank and Gerard - a happy celebration of their impending tour. My tolerance was at an all time high, and I felt sober enough to drive - but Gerard suggested we use Mikey as our escort back to the afterparty. 

Frank elbowed me as we walked through the front door, holding back laughter as he pointed his eyes toward Miranda - who was fast asleep on their long couch. I felt slightly bad for her, but regardless of how quiet I tried to make my footsteps, Gerard was quick to wake her up with his voice.

That was, until Mikey stepped in to take over the conversation. I stepped closer to them and drunkenly toyed my fingers through Mikey’s hair as I interrupted the conversation, “You have another groupie - Frank’s bringing me along, too!”

“No way”, Mikey joked, “What a tool”

_I wasn’t trying to come off as flirtatious, I was just a touchy person - but I could see the anger in Miranda’s eyes as she watched us. I was hardly listening to their conversation, but I was standing in place._ _Maybe I was too drunk to drive._

I snapped back into reality as Mikey stepped toward the kitchen, and I quickly collapsed my butt onto a cushion beside her.

“Nice crutches”, I chimed, nodding my head in her direction. 

Her eyes glazed over with disinterest, but she managed to humor me back with a sarcastic, “Thanks, they’re my favorite accessory”

“Guess I missed the memo”, I blurted out.

I could tell she didn’t pick up on my combative sarcasm by the way she rolled her eyes. I crossed my arms and slid against the back of the couch, drunkenly blabbering, “Can’t believe they’re still bringing your clumsy ass on tour with them”

I chewed at my bottom lip - trying to choke back laughter as I recounted my words in the back of my mind. My sick sense of humor had taken ahold of me without my control. Luckily, she was fast to let out a chuckle. Either she picked up on my sarcasm, or she was laughing at my bad manners. 

“Seems like a snap decision”, She joked without expression, “Think they’ll change their mind when they sober up and come to their senses”

I crossed my arms tighter against my chest, “Oh honey, I doubt it. You’re a gold star to those boys”

Words were falling from my lips quicker than I could process them, but she seemed to be receptive to them. With a smile crawling up both corners of her mouth, she humbly muttered, “Oh shut up. I’m a black hole”

“Gold star”, I jabbed back at her, “You have both of them wrapped around your finger”

She shook her head, still suppressing a smile. I could tell she was eating up my words as she continued, “Hardly. Gerard’s not so keen on me anymore”

I quickly let out a laugh, “He looked pretty into you tonight”

She scrunched up her nose, “Yeah, but he was drunk. There’s so much you’d never know”

“Like what?”, I straightened my posture, eager to hear her side of the ever-lasting drama, “I know bits and pieces, but it’s always one-sided”

She turned to face me, “What do you know?”

“I know you’ve been dating Gerard and seeing Mikey on the side”, I started, “Listen - I’m not here to judge. I know it’s all coming from a biased opinion, anyway”

Her eyes went wide, “It’s not - it’s not like that”

“I told you, I’m not judging”, I started, “But what the fuck is actually going on there?”

She licked her lips, “You want the long version or the short version?”

“Oooh”, I squealed, re-crossing my legs to face her, “The long version”

“Well - I’m going to give you the medium version” She laughed, “Otherwise we’d be here all day”

My eyes drifted beyond her - and quickly caught the glare of Frank, who was shooting me eyes of concern. I slightly nodded my head, trying to communicate that everything was okay, but kept looking over me with apprehension. 

“I’m sure he’s told you”, She took a deep breath and continued, “But me and Mikey go far back. What feels like another life ago, he was my best friend”

I nodded my head, “He’s told me that”

“He has?” Her eyes went wide, “We used to be so in love with each other, he was my first kiss. When we were teens, he moved away - and that’s when things got complicated”

I raised my eyebrow at her, “That slimy fuck, never told me any of that”

“What?” She asked, her eyes drooping with disappointment, “Well, anyway, before we reconnected, I met Gerard. We got really close really fast and I fell for him pretty hard. That’s when Mikey came in and made things… well, complicated”

I let out a chuckle, “You mean when he kissed you?”

“He told you that?” She asked.

“Nope”, I took a deep breath, “I saw it. Even though he was there with me that night…”

She nervously fidgeted with her fingers, “Yeah - I’m, I’m sorry about that”

“I know it was mostly him”, I started, “That’s why I called him a slimy fuck. It’s alright though, because in the end it brought me closer to Frank and I-”

“So you’re not seeing Mikey anymore?” She cut me off, “Sorry - I didn’t mean to talk over you. So you and Frank?”

“Yeah, me and Frank”, I smiled, “But, do go on with your story”

“Sorry”, She muttered, “Where was I? Oh yeah - So then you do know a lot of it. We both still had feelings for each other, but things with Gerard were becoming more serious. Although, between me and you, Gerard could pick up that something was still going on. I guess that’s why things got so bad…”

I cleared my throat, “Yeah, but everyone knows Gerard is still in love with you. You could easily win him back if you tried”

Frank was still glaring over me, but I was starting to enjoy one-on-one conversation with another female. Frank liked to laugh with me, but Miranda seemed just as perplexed with her decision as I -

_ Oh god. A wave of uncomfortable memories came back to me. Mikey - he admitted he still had feelings for me the other day when I was fucked up - _

“I’m not so sure I want to, anymore”, Her voice brought me back to reality, “This is the first chance I’ve had to actually just be with Mikey. And I thought maybe I’d-”

“Be careful”, I stepped over her, “I don’t know if he’s as serious as you think he is”

She sighed, “I’ve kind of thought all he really wants is to… well, you know”

“To fuck?”, I giggled, “Yeah, I always had those concerns, too. But he’s great in bed, isn’t he?”

She bit her lip, trying her best to appear modest, “Yeah he’s - he’s pretty good”

“Oh god”, I laughed, “You have slept with him!”

Her eyes bounced across the living room, “I mean, yeah, we’ve-”

“Don’t worry”, I chuckled, “You don’t have to explain yourself, my eskimo sister”

By now, I could tell Miranda was picking up on my drunk humor. Oddly enough, the conversation was smooth - and despite the original dubiety of our introductions, we seemed to really be getting along.

“You think he’s just”, She started, “You think he’s just like that with girls?”

I shrugged, “I know there’s more to meet the eye with him, and I know he does like you. Probably more than he’d ever like me”

“Are you still-” She hesitantly started, “Seeing him at all?”

I quickly shook my head, “You’re asking me if I’m fucking Mikey?”

She nodded her head.

“No, no way”, I started, “Why - did you want to get him to do a three sum?”

She played along with my grim humor, “What would Frank say?”

I playfully winked back at her, “Nothing, if no one tells him. Or maybe he’d join”

Across from Frank, I noticed an unfamiliar face keep poking his icy blue eyes in our direction. After a few awkward mutual gazes, I inched my head closer to Miranda’s ear and whispered, “Who’s that cutie? He keeps looking over at us”

She lifted her head and turned to face him - making it incredibly obvious as she mumbled, “Nate - what the hell is he doing here?”

“Nate”, She mumbled under her breath, “What the hell is he doing here?”

I let out a giggle, “You know him?”

_ How the hell did she garner the attention of so many guys?  _

“Sort of”, She hesitated, “He's just a bartender at this place I frequent…”

“Bartender, eh?” I licked my lips and re-crossed my arms- intentionally fucking with her, “You don’t mind if I go talk to him, do you?”

She quickly shook my head, “No… Why would I-”

“Act natural”, I cut her off, “It looks like he’s coming over here”

She looked nervous, “It’s really not what it looks like, Leslie”

“Uh-huh”, I teased, winking before exclaiming, “I need to get another drink, anyway”

As I turned my back to face them, I could hear a conversation ensue behind me. I quickly searched the crowd for Frankie and grabbed him into a hug - careful not to spill the drink in my hand. He gripped me tight, and through tears of laughter I told him everything.

“So she wants to have a three sum with you?” He asked

I nodded my head, “I think the thought has passed her mind”

“I don’t know”, He continued, “Seems weird to me”

“Think we were all just playing off of each other” I started, crawling my fingers against his cheek, “However. The things I wanna do to you…”


End file.
